I didn’t end up getting spanked for this incident or really in much trouble at all. I was pleasantly surprised not to receive even much of a lecture this time around, so perhaps my own guilt and worry was punishment enough.

But let’s say that I had been spanked. Would I have enjoyed it? Felt accomplished that I managed to get my boyfriend to once again put me over his knee? Absolutely not. While I greatly enjoy spanking, the emotion, intent, and reason behind the spanking makes all the difference. A punishment spanking is completely different from a fun “just-because” spanking or one received for playful bratting (like teasing or mismatching all of his black and navy socks). Even if the spankings were equal in every way – position, implement, intensity, duration – it’s the mental aspect that makes all the difference.

I’ve heard some people say that you can’t spank a spanko for punishment and that spankings should be withheld as a lesson instead. But for me, true disciplinary spankings are ones that I don’t want and they are in no way enjoyable or desirable and every bit a punishment. The dread, the guilt, and the disappointment in my own actions are all wrapped up into the spanking as I feel the disappointment, upset, and worry being conveyed by my partner. The spankings seem to hurt more even if they are not a bit harder than some of my firmer play sessions. It’s the mental and emotional aspect that wakes every nerve in my body and ensures that I feel each smack ten times more than normal. I’m far more likely to cry from these spankings, again, not because of the physical intensity, but from the emotions that are tapped into.

While punishment spankings are not something that I desire (as in I’m not about to purposely get myself in trouble just to earn one) if done right, they also allow me to feel cared for. It says that I’m worth the time and the sore hand to get through to me that I’m loved and need to be safe or have boundaries or take care in some way. If given the choice, I’d much rather be spanked for a misdeed than to be dismissed, yelled at, or emotionally separated such as through the silent treatment. The message comes through a lot clearer for some reason when I’m red and bottom up anyway and I think that’s because it is simultaneously communicating that my actions were not acceptable but I’m definitely cared for enough to be corrected.

Spankings can be so different based on the numerous key aspects that comprise each one. And since for me at least, an earned and undesirable punishment spanking is vastly different from a playful spanking, I think I can safely say that I’m one spanko that can be effectively spanked for discipline and truly learn a lesson.