Reader Question:
“Is it okay to take pleasure from someone else’s pain? By that I mean, I am a Punished Brats customer, so I obviously enjoy watching spanking movies. However, along with the beauty of the spankee’s bottom – I am a bottom “worshipper” - (and the beauty of the spankee in general).. I also enjoy seeing the spankee’s facial expressions (be it smiling or that of grimacing in pain)… as well as hearing their reaction to the spanking. Does enjoying seeing someone in pain make me a bad person?”
Interesting question and not one that I found I could answer easily. Not because I am uncertain on the matter, but because I can understand the feelings of guilt that come in taking pleasure from someone else’s pain. It is a touchy and confusing matter, but let me make an attempt to explain how I view it.
I think enjoyment gained from witnessing a consensual spanking between two adults is fine. The participants are both willing and likely enjoying the activity in some manner. In many cases, such as Punished Brats scenes, the very intent is to bring pleasure to the viewer and the participants readily agree to engage in spanking for this purpose.
I consider consensual spanking in a very different light than I would the torture or intentional injury of another person. When consent is absent and when reasonable limits and safety precautions are not in place, taking pleasure in witnessing pain is more sadistic.
Perhaps what makes it difficult for me to explain my feelings on the matter is that it’s not quite so black and white. Even consensual spankings can go too far but I wouldn’t blame an observer for not realizing the exact moment when the bottom felt it crossed a line. Witnessing a non-consensual spanking such as a real life school punishment may result in arousal, but I wouldn’t deem the witness a bad person for having that response. And I’m sure there are plenty of other exceptions that further land the world of spanking firmly in the shades of grey that all fetishes tend to reside.
However, I don’t generally think there should be any more shame in deriving pleasure from watching consensual spankings any more than there should be any for two consenting adults wishing to participate in them. The pleasure is in the fantasy being acted out while knowing in the back of your mind that all parties are practicing safely and ok with what is taking place. I wouldn’t think less of someone who enjoys watching an exciting bloody boxing match or deem them to be a bad person for liking the considerably violent sport.
Wow. Have I made that clear as mud? Help me out. What are your thoughts on the matter?
December 30th, 2012 - 7:55 pm
My interest in spanking was tweaked when I was about 12 years old and I saw a friends older sister get one. At the time, I didn’t really identify the feelings as a sexual arousal because I had little context for it but I’m not sure that the person being described is actually taking pleasure in the pain of the spanking even though it’s the pain causing the facial expressions etc. etc. For me personally, I find no thrill in a spanking that results in huge raised welts, or heavy bruising or a spanking that involves a ridiculous number of swats even if I know the parties have consented. I find that that really crosses the line. Some of the videos you see online have spankings that go on for 8 minutes or involve something like 350 swats and to me, that’s just absurd.
December 30th, 2012 - 8:27 pm
I feel like this is an old dichotomy, but one never really answered because I’m not sure there is an answer except: “consent”
I have remarked several times in the past upon seeing an attractive female being spanked, that part of me wants to save her while simultaneously another part of me wants to take the spanker’s place. But the bottom line comes down to consent. If the spankee is presumably getting something out of the experience, then I am OK with either watching or participating.
December 31st, 2012 - 12:00 am
You hit it on the head with the consensuality factor. People who do this have their reasons. I think the only fly in the ointment may be that some people can really be self destructive. I think most people come from a positive position, and there’s no way we can get into other people’s heads. I have to pretty well take people at face value, but if I know someone well enough to think there’s a problem, I’d choose to have nothing to do with it. Otherwise go for the gusto.
The same applies to tops also. There are some haters out there, and they can be really dangerous.
December 31st, 2012 - 5:50 am
For me, I take pleasure in watching a spanking because I like to imagine myself in the scenario, either as the spankee or spanker. I like watching because I know how much I enjoy the actual scenario and how much I enjoy being spanked and, on occasion, giving a spanking. However, I hate it when I see non con, or someone’s real pain – like if someone breaks their arm or there’s an attack scene on a TV show, I have to look away because it makes me feel awful.
December 31st, 2012 - 8:19 am
As opposed to light, love tap types of spanks I admit I like seeing evidence that the “lesson is learned” when the spankee pleads for the spanker to stop, tries to squirm away, grits teeth, etc. For professional video’s sake I know in reality there is definite consent agreed upon prior to shooting the scenes. I would assume the same is in place for home and amateur shoots, also. Part of the thrill is the “helpless” situation the bottom is subjected to.
I do NOT love seeing tears, though. I feel at this point enough is enough. I’m not a crier myself and I would have a hard time as a spanker to continue spanking once genuine tears fall and there is already a very red, possibly marked bottom in full view.
In real life situations I have slightly mixed feelings, though. As a younger kid I usually felt sorry for other kids who got spanked. I didn’t want to see it in front of me. HOWEVER if I couldn’t stand the kid, then I was a bit gleeful if they were crying and or blaming me for getting them into trouble for doing something to ME they should NOT have done.
One time a classmate was caught stealing money from our teacher’s purse. This year our room was next door to the Principal’s office. The kid got paddled and screamed like a banshee. Typically if it were for something like fighting, skipping school, etc, I’d have felt pity. For theft…TOO Bad. He deserved his sore ass.
December 31st, 2012 - 8:28 am
Pixie interesing post as usual , Ido not like sadistic themes in vids thats why i enjoy P.B. and similar websites .Young Joelle gives young Pi big spanks as her little cousin ,love and spanks,Timxx
December 31st, 2012 - 4:20 pm
Does enjoying someone in pain from a spanking make one a bad person? Not in my opinion. A little insensitive,perhaps.I relate the true story of when I was a teen I dated a girl who was caught by her father doing a little underage drinking. This resulted in her ending up over the end of a couch for a dose of his razor strap that apparently caused some welts.She was telling me about it a week later(she had been also grounded) and I was eating it up.Bad move on my part. She was looking for sympathy. When she realized I was enjoying her spanking she thought that I was a bad person and we soon broke up. I learned a valuable leason about not revealing too much about my interest in spanking.But a bad person–I don’t think so.She didn’t realize it wasn’t that personal.As someone who is predisposed to spanking I would have enjoyed a spanking story about anyone and at that age,probably not able to hide it.
December 31st, 2012 - 4:47 pm
It’s a multifaceted question for me. For starters, my fetish was centered on real punishment. I didn’t even know such a thing as adult consensual spanking existed when this was realized. I didn’t know where the feelings came from, and I didn’t ask to have them, so I don’t think I ever felt much guilt about it. I felt strange, crazy, and perverted, but not really guilty. When I saw, heard, or heard about others being punished, there was the excitement or titillation, but that was buried under other emotions like anger, embarrassment, and pity. I was attracted to the fantasy — not as much to the reality of it happening.
Adult consensual spanking is another thing, but still complicated. If the punishment is too severe, no matter how consensual it is, I don’t get pleasure in seeing it. However, I do enjoy seeing the experience of real punishment — actual pain, both physical and emotional. It’s a complex pleasure, mixed with other feelings that are more difficult. There is much positive and arousing to be taken out of adult discipline, and for anyone who understands it, they know it’s not as simple as “enjoying seeing someone in pain.” Though I haven’t seen it, I think I could be aroused by a non-consensual spanking, as long as it wasn’t brutal. I wouldn’t condone it.
December 31st, 2012 - 5:06 pm
Forgot to say, Happy New Year, Pixie! I’m wishing you a great 2013.
December 31st, 2012 - 6:58 pm
A fascinating topic. For years I felt guilty about my interest in spanking. It was very theraputic when I came across others who shared the interest and especially women who enjoyed (maybe that is not the right word) being spanked. Your work and the work of people like Eve Howard helped me to accept my interest in spanking as something that was OK.
December 31st, 2012 - 7:46 pm
I totally believe in consensual spankings but there’s a caveat. If the recipient desires/wants/needs then genuine Discipline spankings that impart severe pain are fine. However, on such an occasion, the Disciplinarian must never spank in anger, while intoxicated (high etc.) or to satisfy their own sexual needs. That’s not to say the Disciplinarian won’t feel or be in heat but as long as it’s controlled so it’s not in control then it’s fine. Hope I clarify and not sound to confused.
December 31st, 2012 - 10:15 pm
Somewhere along the line in this discussion the subject of tears came up. As far as I’m concerned, if the spanking is consensual, and the girl being spanked (yes, in my world, it’s always the girl being spanked) cries real tears, so much the better. Perhaps it provides a catharsis for her. These are videos, after all, taken with all parties consenting. I’ve seen our dear Pixie spanked to tears, and I do believe I can honestly quote her (though I cannot cite chapter and verse) as saying, “Tears are hot; snot is not.” I do think, however, that a crying girl who has just gotten a spanking is deserving of compassionate after care. To me, and hopefully to her, that’s as important as the discipline she’s just received.
January 1st, 2013 - 7:18 am
Pixie Happy new year to you ,from ,Timxx
January 1st, 2013 - 7:33 pm
For me depends on the reason for the spanking and how severe. I just can’t get anything out a sever “BEATING with blood and sores. But a glowing red bottom is a turn on for me. Especially if it the result of, say, a lost bet of some other known in advance rule that, “if you do it, you know what will happen”. We, spank each other, and few things will get me a hot bottom faster than leaving up the toilet seat. Also, I can look at a picture of a sound paddling and imagine that it is me getting it.
Lee
January 1st, 2013 - 10:12 pm
There’s a great word that all spankos should know: schadenfreude.
January 1st, 2013 - 10:56 pm
Second the wish for a happy (and healthy) New Year. When I was young, the thought of spanking, the words surrounding it, the images and the tales were all arousing. Didn’t like the idea of real pain. Still somewhat turned off by scenes of real pain and not very much into it myself. While I am, as you know, very fond of you, I like only the Punished Brats videos that don’t go as far as tears and bruising and real pain. Loved the bloopers. Think, as far as videos go, Clare Fonda had the level that was appealing to me — in all of her sites as does mostly Shadow Lane (though while spanking is to me sexual, not greatly fond of some of the outer fringes of sex some of their films explore). A long time ago, Eve Howard/Lizzie Bennett, with her writings made me comfortable in my own skin and in finding spanking sexual and arousing.
January 2nd, 2013 - 4:57 pm
For myself, there is a limit to both consensual and non consensual spankings and that is severe bruising and/or bleeding. I knew from an early age that I was a “spanko” although I didn’t know at the time how many of us there are. I grew up in a large family (oldest of 6 children) but my parents rarely spanked. They would slap us or give a quick smack on the bottom. My aunt and uncle and their 4 children lived in the house next store and my uncle was a strict father. Any transgression brought out the strap administered on the bare bottom. It did not matter who was present, the culprit was bent over a chair or couch and spanked usually very soundly. When my girl cousins were on the receiving end, I would get very aroused but never when their brother was punished. I sometimes felt a little guilty for enjoying seeing the girls being spanked and I remember my oldest girl cousin getting a strapping for a very serious offense and when all was done, her bottom was literally black,blue and purple. As she pulled up her jeans and underwear and ran to her room, I genuinely felt very bad for her and thought the punishment was far beyond what she deserved.
ps. Wishing you a happy New Year Pixie and Fellow Spankos
January 3rd, 2013 - 3:18 pm
Dear Miss Pixie, Ma’am,
While of course no one outside the nra or those who actually believe that calling it “enhanced interrogation techniques” means it really ISN’T torture should ever take pleasure in ANY creature’s pain, I think I personally would respectfully take it further than you do, Ma’am.
You seem to be drawing the line at the issue of consent, Ma’am, but remember we’re talking about SPANKING here! Is there ANYONE including YOU, Ma’am, who would not take, if not PLEASURE than certainly IMMENSE SATISFACTION at the EXTREMELY NON-CONSENSUAL, right on their very bare backsides by their lawyers, right on the front steps of the courthouse, right in front of their armies of paparazzi of a trio of young “ladies” called Lindsey, Paris and Brittany? How many would actually CHEER? Would you, Ma’am?
January 4th, 2013 - 2:45 pm
Put simply, pain without the presence of danger takes sadism off of the table. Without real danger, there is no real fear, and without real fear there is no suffering.
Sadism isn’t enjoying the pain of others, it’s enjoying the suffering of others, and those two things are not always one and the same.
January 4th, 2013 - 5:54 pm
I to love the face expressions and the ouches and Ah’s too but the spanks must be consensual for me to enjoy watching. I would like to see more movies with lost bet themes. I recently saw a movie with girls playing Connect Four. (An old game kind of like tic tac toe). The winner got to give the loser 10 firm hand swats on each cheek. It was FUN hot and exciting. Watching the loser having to stand up and lower her panties as her friends cheered and laughed Then another girl would jump in and play a round, it was great. To many punishment themes make me feel guilty that I get excited enjoying someone else pain. I want red bottoms, and ouches and laughing by spankee. Want to see her jumping up rubbing her bottom while smiling and saying you just wait until I beat you. I want more Playfulness.
January 4th, 2013 - 7:16 pm
Actually sadism is enjoying the pain of others:
The tendency to derive pleasure, esp. sexual gratification, from inflicting pain, suffering, or humiliation on others.
I enjoy “inflicting” when my partner enjoys receiving. If it’s non consensual or has the appearance of being so, I am turned off to it (even if I might be aroused by it).
Since punishment is not part of my dynamic, consent is paramount.
Some of the former eastern block countries have scenes that really SEEM to cross the boundary between what is a consensual “performance”. Whether in fact they are coerced or not, I have no knowledge.
January 4th, 2013 - 11:34 pm
Pixie, you’ve touched here on one of the central paradoxes of the spanko experience. I may be deluding myself but I like to think that even for the person being spanked, there is what I’ll call a “pleasure sideband” to the experience, and that’s what we’re tuning into when we derive a second hand high from witnessing a spanking.
Further complicated the matter from a moral POV, I think it’s fair to say that the literature is full of accounts of witnesses getting off on spankings that were NOT consensual. Plus, I think it’s also fair to say that a lot of consensual players like to pretend the spanking is not consensual.
And in the case of Domestic Discipline relationships, the consent given is general, and this can accentuate the appearance (to the players) of non-consent to a specific spanking, especially one that is disciplinary in nature. And that appearance of non consent helps make it look more real to all concerned
Good on you, Pixie, for asking the tough questions!
January 5th, 2013 - 3:05 pm
Speaking for myself, there is a “NEED” by some to be spanked that cannot be explained to someone that does not experience it, and finding a partner that can satisfy that need is very special and there is no guilt feeling involved.
They are just providing something in a relationship that one person needs.
That feeling of excitement in knowing what coming and getting into position while waiting for that first taste of the paddle or brush. NOt knowing how long it will last, and wondering “what was I thinking” when I asked for it.
The kicking and wiggling that does little good because It doesn’t stop until I am well spanked and my bottom is bright red and not a mark on it, with that warm feeling that lasts all day or longer.
Occasionally, when things are really hot, I see her smiling and she says “are we having fun now?”.
I really don’t believe it would be done with such love if she enjoyed it more than just giving me what I need.
Lee
January 5th, 2013 - 3:22 pm
Back to you readers original question; “Does enjoying seeing someone in pain make me a bad person?” – Yes. Yes it does, and you should be spanked for it!!! (So long as I get to watch!)
January 6th, 2013 - 11:09 am
Pain is usually seen as a negative so wanting to watch someone in pain could be viewed the same. The feeling of guilt may be from the fact that the average person would not enjoy watching a spanking. Since the rest of us are unique and have that need to experience it, that makes it ok for us. I do have my limits in what I enjoy watching. Someone in a scene who deserves it is fine. Watching a scene where the spankee and spanker enjoy the exchange makes it ok to me. When someone is in extreme pain or marked I don’t feel good about watching anymore.
My spanker once mentioned going to hell for beating me. I responded that I asked for it. When it’s consensual to give or take or have people watch, you feel ok about it.
January 6th, 2013 - 1:28 pm
I agree that there is nothing wrong with enjoying PB movies which are made by consenting adults. In fact, for me the consent is key. My favorite movies are when we get to watch someone take off her clothing and get into position while the top is waiting. The idea above about some kind of game where the winner gets to spank the loser sounds like it would make a great PB movie.
If someone had (for crazy examples) a movie of a woman getting injured skiing, or being assaulted by a thief stealing her purse, and in terrible pain, I would have no interest in watching that.
January 7th, 2013 - 9:06 am
Pixie lovely young Ten gets big whacks from her strict Aunty Veronica with her trusty brushy for Tens mischievousness behaviour ,love and spanks,Timxxx
January 8th, 2013 - 6:48 am
Here is an interesting take on things:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2258395/How-beat-addictions-literally-Siberian-psychologists-thrash-patients-sticks-help-kick-habits.html
January 8th, 2013 - 9:59 am
Thanx “Mark”, I’ve heard of similar “treatments” for mental patients and even for students in Switzerland who wanted to achieve higher test scores. What I find interesting is the doctors two switch method, no doubt pinching the skin and flesh together at the moment of impact similar to the tails of a tawse.
January 8th, 2013 - 4:35 pm
…I also like the very real expression on the face of the cute little junkie. Spanking models please take note…
January 9th, 2013 - 3:43 am
Yet another great question Pixie!
Let’s put the parts of the severe pain/severe punishment aside for the moment as well as any type of truly consensual sexual spankings.
Apart from those cases, I believe the reason that there is no clear answer is because the scenarios surrounding the facts are not clear. Do I (do most of us) come here to view videos of “consensual” spankings – really? No. Most of us come here to witness “non-consensual” spankings of “naughty girls” deserving of a spanking or better defined as punishment spankings. The girls’ resistance and objections makes it all the more pleasurable and arousing to us. Yes, that is the fantasy.
What makes us “feel better” is the fact that these girls are actors and consented to these spankings; but the truth is the fantasy is what it pleasurable to us and NOT the reality. There has to be some objection to the spankings otherwise it wouldn’t be a punishment spanking.
So the question is if I (or someone) was to witness a genuine real life spanking of “naughty girl” who honestly was objecting to and fighting off a spanking; and somehow we knew and or witness the crime and deemed it worthy of this punishment; would that not then be the ultimate arousal?
January 9th, 2013 - 11:53 am
Consent is the key word here. If I get at all close to a spanking playmate, I like to tell her “You’re not too old to be spanked…you’re too old to be punished by a spanking.” My actual favorite scene is just the pure joy of smacking some lady’s shapely bottom until it, and she, are on fire, both reveling in mutual pleasure. But roll playing is important to many, essential to some, so I do enjoy PB (or other sites) scenes of domestic punishment, school or institutional punishments…the only limit is your imagination, and I try to be assured that I, or the sites, are using consenting players who can stop when things start to get out of hand. And, frankly, I don’t enjoy watching someone in pain if I know they are not consenting.
January 9th, 2013 - 1:29 pm
Hi, Pixie,
Happy New Year! I hope you are well and are enjoying 2013 to the fullest.
The simple answer is within the context of our fetish and between two consenting adults who respect each other’s boundaries and limits the answer is no. Feeling bad may even be a good sign that we have at least some guilt about our preoccupation, which is not openly endorsed by mainstream society. Our guilt lets us know that we have a conscience that helps balance our more primal yearnings and how we satisfy them. However, outside direct spanking play, taking pleasure in the pain of others may be an unhealthy sign.
January 21st, 2013 - 11:20 am
I’m still stuggling with this. From PB I’ve learned there’s a difference between spanking and S&M. Whips and Chains may excite Rihanna but not me. If I were spanking a girl and saw bruising I’d stop and apologize.
I’ve also learned there really are girls who enjoy being spanked even to the point of tears. This is important because for me the fantasy is a girl being punished(non consent) by a bare bottom spanking ideally in front of others. The yelling, pleading, and tears are part of the fantasy. So the best way to live this out would be to role play it with a consenting girl.
Having said all that I still feel guilty that I get turned on by the thought of inflicting pain and shame on someone else. I’ve twice talked to therapists about this. One said it was an angry fantasy. The other said I might be feeling guilty about something and really want to be spanked myself.
There is some truth in both of those. Growing up I was angry at girls and always hated to see girls getting better grades or winning games over boys. And in elementary school I punched a girl in the face. On Saturday morning I woke up hearing her mom telling my mom about it in the living room. I was sure mom was going to haul me out of bed pull my pajamas down and spank me in front of that lady. I just hoped the girl I hit wasn’t there to see me get spanked with my pants down. Mom didn’t spank me for that but if she had I would have deserved it.
However smacking a girl on her birthday was the only way of touching her butt that didn’t get you in trouble. I really liked how doing that made me feel and gave all my high school girlfriends birthday spankings. I was hooked on that and it didnt have anything to do with guilt or anger. It was just a fun turn on.
As an adult I didnt have any problem spanking my girlfriends hard on their jeans. Even paddled one girl on her panties. But never beyond stinging, never to the point of tears, still all in fun. However when I had a girl over my knee with her butt bared I couldn’t do it even when the girl wanted me to. I was afraid I’d lose control and things would go from fun to anger and I’d really hurt her.
When I got marrried my wife became the first girl I told about my fantasy, my guilt, and my fears. She laughed and said “You’ve just got a fetish. We can do it and don’t worry I won’t let you hurt me.” We’ve had a lot of fun with it and I’ve given her many fun pink bottoms.
But I still think about giving a really hard make-you-cry spanking. And that bothers me. But at least I’m not hurting anyone like I’ve feared. Guess spanking is still part of me and I’m still working it out.