I received a great question from a blog reader:
How do you and other spankos feel about the whole notion of being required to address their disciplinarians as “Sir” or “Ma’am” during and immediately after a spanking? It’s very common on some sites like the Real Spankings suite of sites, less so on others, including Punished Brats. I can only recall seeing you address a disciplinarian as “Sir” during a spanking once, and it seemed a more spontaneous response than a required one.
I’m not opposed to addressing a disciplinarian by Sir or Ma’am though I do sometimes struggle with the term if I don’t have a natural connection to the spanker and don’t feel truly submissive to them. Then it is as difficult for me to say Sir as it is for me to take the physical portion of the punishment. Thankfully, this is rare. On the flip side, when I do have that connection, it only adds to a hot scene if I can say Sir or Ma’am to show my respect when feeling truly penitent.
I know of some bottoms that will only say Sir or Ma’am to the disciplinarian in their real lives and out of respect to that relationship, will not address anyone else by that title even in scripted scenes. And some I have chatted to have expressed very strong feelings that they will not address anyone as Sir ever within the context of spanking play.
We don’t require the use of Sir or Ma’am in every scene at Punished Brats. I do recall using the terms more than once though and I know when our writer/director Eric was still with us, he’d quite frequently have line suggestions with the terms. We definitely don’t use the terms as often as Real Spankings, but then our scenes tend to feature more bratting and backtalk prompting discipline rather than utmost respect at all times. 
For bottoms out there, how do you feel about addressing a spanker as Sir or Ma’am? For tops, do you often ask a spankee to address you as such? And for those that enjoy watching spanking videos, do prefer when the terms are used or is it not a required hot button for you?
February 28th, 2012 - 12:11 pm
Interesting subject. Personally, I do not use either term unless I say it in a sort of teasing way. I am not into the discipline aspect of spanking anyway. Having said that, it is ok if I see it in a video. There are times when saying sir or ma’am is appropriate in our vanilla lives and we generally know when those times are.
February 28th, 2012 - 3:17 pm
With spanking videos, I think those terms are quite right in many scenarios.
In fact, I prefer terms of address that are not too informal or intimate, unless it’s something like a father/daughter or sister/sister scene, where intimacy would be expected.
Then, on the other hand, there’s nothing like a little informal backchat to earn the bottom a few extra swats.
February 28th, 2012 - 4:15 pm
My stance on the word “sir” has softened slightly over the years. It used to be that I refused to say it, no matter what. It simply seemed too subservient and obsequious to me, and my pride was too strong to allow that.
These days, I will say it. However, it must be my idea. When I’m deeply connected to a top, when my psyche travels into a submissive space, I will say the word spontaneously at times, and it feels right. But I WILL NOT say it if it’s demanded of me.
February 28th, 2012 - 4:21 pm
I tend to say Miss rather than Ma’am but I quite like the formal atmosphere that it adds to a spanking. Mostly I want the Top to feel comfortable with the play, so I tend to agree to any title that she prefers. It only annoys me when a Top wants to be addressed with a title that is stupidly long and unnecessary, Empress Fitswalla Doll The Third, for example
Prefectdt
February 28th, 2012 - 4:30 pm
Prefectdt, would you make an exception for Empress Amber Pixie Wells The First?
February 28th, 2012 - 5:49 pm
I often say them in playful or mocking tones to tops. I am very doubtful I could ever utter the words with any sincerity.
As for videos, it’s great either way if the brats address the spankers like that or not.
I would NOT be opposed to the next time Veronica spanks YOU, QUEEN BRAT Pixie… for you to say a hearty, “Yes, Ma’am!”, followed by a one fingered salute in her direction!
February 28th, 2012 - 7:11 pm
@Kelly- I LOVE your idea!! That would make a great scence! Dear Pixie- as for your question I like to see a bottom say Ma’am or Sir from time to time, but only when they are showing true remorse for their actions- not because they are being a smartass about it.
Growing up with a very strict step-mother I had to always address her with “yes ma’am and no ma’am” durning all of my spankings or punishments as a child and even into my adulthood. To me it was a sign of respect to her and her authority over me.
February 28th, 2012 - 11:35 pm
As far as I’m concerned, Erica nailed it. The spankee should genuinely have enough respect for her disciplinarian, earned from a longstanding, trusting relationship, that she willingly offers “Sir” as a sign of respect. It’s something she offers out of trust and respect, not something that’s demanded of her.
February 29th, 2012 - 1:18 am
For me, it depends on who I’m playing with. I’m not opposed to using “Sir” or “Ma’am.” Sometimes it works in a roleplay sense, but it definitely comes more naturally to me when I feel the right dynamic with a top and am in a more submissive place.
February 29th, 2012 - 7:34 am
Pixie an interesting post as usual,i suppose it depends on the scenes and the girl being spanked,love and spanks from ,Timxxxxxx andbest wishes to all here.
February 29th, 2012 - 2:14 pm
I’m not attracted so much to the idea of a top asking to be addressed that way. Better if it’s the bottom’s choice to say it. Besides that, to me they’re just words, so it depends on context, who’s saying it to who, and what the words appear to represent in the character’s minds. They can be powerful words in one scene, or just a matter of routine in another.
February 29th, 2012 - 3:29 pm
Could we shorten that to EAPWTF!? Which is pretty much the sound that I make anyway, if I get whacked hard enough.
Prefectdt
February 29th, 2012 - 5:57 pm
Within a scenario, makes sense to me that a top could require it if they’re playing a more formal authority figure who would merit that formality in all situations – not just disciplinary.
In my prep school days, we were required to address all teachers as Sir or M’am (or Brother – Catholic prep school) at all times – so in a formal school setting, I can see the top demanding that respect, and certainly increasing the severity of the subsequent punishment for any flippant responses.
In domestic scenarios like the typical PB roleplay, I also agree with the consensus here – it doesn’t take me out of the scene if the top demands it, but it seems a bit… inappropriate. However, there is something especially hot about the bottom starting to use those terms of address mid-scene. It comes across to me as an extra sign of the punishment’s effectiveness, or the bottom’s contrition, or both.
And again, any flippant use of either of those terms by the bottom should be interpreted as nothing less than ill-advised brattiness, to be dealt with accordingly.
Outside of roleplaying, in a RL situation, seems to me that Erica (and others) nailed it. It’s a sign of respect, which can be earned but not demanded.
Good question!
February 29th, 2012 - 11:28 pm
I just have one more thing to say about this. You can demand respect (however it may be expressed) until you’re blue in the face, and you might get a token response, but you don’t get real respect until and unless you earn it. The spankee’s feelings and emotions matter. She needs to trust you, and you need to respect her and care for her feelings as well. It’s a two-way street.
March 1st, 2012 - 12:39 am
I don’t require anyone I spank yo refer to me in any particular manner, when asked if I have a preference recently, I told the lady in question “you may refer to me in any non-profane manner you would like. With the exception of ‘daddy’”. She chooses to call me sir, and because that is her choice, I am happy with it. If she had chosen to refer to me as “Joe” that would have been, and will be equally fine with me. We play for fun with no scenario just a butt and a hand, with a belt, paddle ect… That’s just me, and I think that whatever makes the persons involved happy, is great.
Have a great day,
Joe
March 1st, 2012 - 2:18 am
Hey Pixie… wow, we had this same exact topic set to publish tomorrow. Here in the deep rural south Sir and Ma’am are used all the time in every day life. A lot of kids would get in trouble if they didn’t address an adult with Sir or Ma’am. Way-way different than it was back out west.
We’ve had friends that used Sir and Ma’am in casual settings with us even, in public. That was a little weird at first, to be honest. Living here no one thought anything of it though so it was fine.
In a discipline setting though, the more formal and respectful tone seems to work best… so Sir and Ma’am is what we ask for there. It also makes clear that this isn’t a friendly or casual or joking chat too. Though that benefit isn’t there when those terms are always used.
So generally speaking we prefer ‘Todd’ and ‘Suzy’ in a casual setting, though are okay with Sir and Ma’am if that is what works for the other person. Discipline though… yea… Sir and Ma’am.
good question!
~Todd and Suzy
March 1st, 2012 - 4:51 am
I never require a person I’m playing with to call me “Sir”. If they choose to do so, I assume it’s done out of respect and because they feel I’ve earned it…and frankly, I think I prefer it that way rather than just automatically eemand they use the title.
Dr. Ken
March 2nd, 2012 - 1:58 pm
Amber,
As a bottom I love saying ma’am, in fact it is part of my regular vocabulary. As a lap, well not really needed to be called sir.
Love ya
Ron
March 3rd, 2012 - 7:28 am
Pixie ,lovely little Lorraine receives very big spanks from lovely but strict Beverly and her trusty paddle which is good for spanking naughty young minxs ,love and spanks from ,Timxxxxxx
March 3rd, 2012 - 9:31 am
The first time I was came across this Sir/Ma’am phenomenon was in third grade when our family moved from northern urban to southern rural Ohio. What a culture shock! The answer to some question was “yes” and the teacher kept saying “yes what”? I was grasping at straws here. “Yes, that’s the answer”, “Yes, sesame”, “Yes, yes”. She told me, “you see that switch on the wall?” and I’m thinking, “What? Behind the stick? The light switch is on the other wall!”. She did help “educate” me on that one but there were many other differences of culture and vocabulary.
The next place I came across it was in the military. This is a long standing tradition and I think “Sir” has it’s roots in the word “Sire” giving nobility their distinction from the peasantry and footmen that is the basis of our current officer/enlisted subservience system. I hate it and avoid it’s use in daily (civilian) life where possible.
I can’t really say in regard to the spanking scene. It has some obvious power play that may work for some people. Does that answer your question, Ma’am?
March 4th, 2012 - 10:40 pm
I refuse to say “sir” on principle because I object to the essentialist arguments that all men have an inherent right to spank all women and that all women must be spanked or forever be unhappy. Don’t get me wrong, there are women who feel that way about spanking men but it’s definitely a majority.
I will say “ma’am” to my disciplinarian and, if role-playing, to another female disciplinarian. I don’t say it all the time to my disciplinarian (there are lots of people who are more disrespectful while saying “sir” or “ma’am” than others who never use those titles at all), and I do have to plead guilty to using “yes ma’am” sometimes in the hope that sounding especially penitent will result in less of a punishment. Not that it ever works, but I can’t help giving it a try. But usually, a “yes ma’am” or “no ma’am” to my disciplinarian means that I understand I’ve been given an order and will do my best to curb my bratty side and actually listen.
March 6th, 2012 - 7:12 am
Pixie ,young Tara looks a nice new spankee at P,B.ready for her spankings
,love and spanks from timxxxxxx
,
March 6th, 2012 - 11:52 am
Hi Pixie,
I hope you are feeling well.
As a lap, “sir” is not required nor encouraged. Frankly, I feel uncomfortable when the title is applied to me in any situation.
As a recipient, I will occasionally utter a “Yes ma’am” as a reflex, especially when I receive a few more spanks than anticipated.
@ Ana,
I don’t know too may “essentialists,” but some of the men I know, including myself, do not feel we, as men, have a right to anything female or belonging to women, including the act of sex or spanking, even with our spouses. Women are not the property of men. The very idea sickens me. Also, I don’t know if spanking a woman would make her happy even if she likes to be spanked. I don’t think that’s what makes anyone happy in a general way. Love, respect, consideration, concern, interest, and kindness I feel would do a lot more than any spanking could.