And by that title I mean praise for spankers; nothing to do with scene settings or spanking toys!
I am a spankee at heart and therefore have very rarely been on the giving end, but I have great admiration for all that a good top must do during a spanking. Aside from the obvious physical act of smacking the bottom (which will hopefully be done with good aim and safe technique!!!), the spanker has quite a few responsibilities.
Such duties include:
- tuning into body language cues
- helping in setting the tone of the spanking
- ensuring both emotional and physical security
- establishing an emotional connection
- knowing when to push the limits a little and when to pull back
- assessing the state of the skin for physical safety
- a willingness to seek common ground on the style of spanking
- an ability to scold, comfort, and encourage (and knowing when to do each)
It’s a pretty tall work order and (no pun intended) a lot rests in the hands of the spanker.
In the spanking world it seems a lot of the focus is placed on the spankee – the recipient that walks away sniffling with a sore, red bottom. But may I just take this moment to say thank you to the spankers – the ones that walk away quietly with a sore, red palm.
November 6th, 2009 - 3:28 pm
Pixie,
With so many sassy brats like yourself out there in the world, it seems like there will always be a demand for good spankers. Yes it can be a tough job at times but somebody has got to do it!! So it might as well be me. The joy of watching a beautiful female bare bottom turning red is our ultimate reward.
Bottoms Up,
Steve
November 6th, 2009 - 3:50 pm
PLEASE – Can I be your top JUST ONCE??!!
November 6th, 2009 - 4:15 pm
You know what? Despite all the teasing, baiting, bratting and insulting, sneering over wounded hands and broken toys, and other bottomly tortures, I couldn’t agree with you more, Pixie. A good top is worth his weight in gold. Try playing with a bad one and you’ll know just how much the good ones are to be treasured.
Topping takes skill, patience, intuition and sensitivity, and I’m sure as hell glad I don’t have to do it!
November 6th, 2009 - 4:55 pm
Thank you for your acknowledgement !!!It’s especially hard when dealing with a “newbie” to gauge the level of intensity needed…it comes with experience and communication…
Again..thanks for the kudos..
K
November 6th, 2009 - 9:13 pm
Bless your heart, worrying about my poor hand. See you tomorrow.
November 6th, 2009 - 9:40 pm
Absolutely, positively true. I treasure my Disciplinarian and cannot even contemplate the possibility of losing her. She has all of the sensitivity, talents, and skills that you outlined. Thank you for the pointing out the value of a skilled Top.
November 7th, 2009 - 12:38 am
Thank you, Pixie, for this post. Like Steve said, when you’ve dealt with the “bad”, it’s so incredibly easy to be thankful for the good. *tips hat to those of you who know what you’re doing, and do it well*
Keagen
November 7th, 2009 - 12:40 am
It wasn’t Steve; It was Erica. My apologies.
November 7th, 2009 - 12:50 am
A submissive girl places a lot of trust in the man she knows is going to discipline her. She shouldn’t surrender that trust lightly, nor should her disciplinarian be cavalier about it. There must be a bond between the two that transcends the discipline. She must trust him to be fair but firm. And he needs for her to understand that, after the spanking, she will feel safe, if chastened, and cared for.
November 7th, 2009 - 3:01 am
Very kind words from a very sweet spankee. I really hope I live up to that with the spankees who have graciously played with me. Thanks so much for this post, Pixie.
November 7th, 2009 - 4:01 am
I recall getting a bruise on my palm from spanking those wicked buns of steel, Pixie. No I’m not Bullshitting you, I’m quite serious~smile. Both times you and I shot together, I came away with a sore hand, and I’m not the only spanker who can happily make such a claim.
I like the list of duties you’ve submitted here. I can’t help but think about the first time you and I shot together. Out of those eight, I look back and feel I fulfilled the top seven. The eighth one, not so much. I was yelling at you excessively like an idiot throughout the shot. Nowadays I think of that scene as a learning tool in what not to do (or say).
Nevertheless Cutey,
You’ve given a fair amount of spankers out there quite a bit to think about when setting up and executing a successful scene.
Since I’ve not read your blog in the last couple of weeks,
it would appear that I missed your Birthday. (I’m not doing too well here now am I?~wink) I’m glad to see you had a great Birthday with plenty of presents and spankings along with having alotta fun as well. That’s wonderful.
Have a great weekend,
Razor
November 7th, 2009 - 7:09 am
I agree! He does all the work!
November 7th, 2009 - 8:41 am
Adam is wondering if you wrote this or your husband did. (LOL)
I agree that the real “skill, knowledge and ability” needed in a spanking rests with the spanker (top). WE must be open and HONEST enough to provide the info needed for him (or her) to make the decisions, but ultimately he (or she) must make the right choices and implement the right actions.
What works for one of us (spankees) may not work for another so kudos to those that are able to spank multiple subs and meet the needs of us all.
Your list is very insightful and I’m sure we are all aware of the consequences when the person’s lap we are over does not possesse them all.
I am VERY thankful to have found my own Life-Lap (I’m making up my own words now .. lol) who I hope to spend the rest of my life OVER and when I don’t seem genuinely concerned when he says, “Look how red you made my palm turn ..” I truley am sorry and will do all I can to make things better!!!
Great post as usual!!
Linde
November 7th, 2009 - 11:39 am
Thank you, Pixie. A special thanks as well to all the lovely bottoms who appreciated having their bottom sored by me!
November 7th, 2009 - 1:46 pm
I’m also emphatically a bottom by nature, but I’ve topped as well when there were exceptional circumstances. Two years ago I had to privilege of giving a newly ‘out’ 55 year old lady the spanking she had been dreaming about for half a century! Not too much pressure……
I must have done okay, because she sent me a Christmas card a month later, showing a fireplace with several treat-filled stockings hanging up and, drawn in, an unmistakable addition poking up out of one. It was charmingly inscribed,”Thanks to you I FINALLY got that longed-for hickory switch in my stocking.”
(I hadn’t used a switch, but I appreciated the metaphor.)
November 7th, 2009 - 2:18 pm
Interesting post, and one I probably wouldn’t have thought about before. I never even imagine myself as a top. I just think that spankings can be so mutually beneficial.
Years ago, I wrote to a professional dominatrix. I was mainly just curious, but I expressed what I really felt: that she was really a compassionate person who likes to engage in the beneficial emotional release of the top/bottom relationship.
She wrote back and said: ‘thanks for the sweet note.’ I just knew she would appreciate it. She wasn’t out of touch with heartfelt things at all.
This is what vanilla society doesn’t get–fetish people are really such nice people with families and concerns about everyday life.
While I am always submissive (even in vanilla situations), I have respect for tops who encourage trust. Trust is always my favorite word when it comes to being a nice little subby.
Thanks, Pixie!
November 7th, 2009 - 10:25 pm
Go spanko! Without a spanker I’d be reading about it or watching it online. It’s just not the same as experiencing it. It’s great to have a spanker you trust. I love that mine gives me spankings I enjoy as well as pushes me past my limits so I am still ok, but think OMG! I do feel sorry about causing someone a red hand, but if an implement gets misplaced and it’s not my doing, it’s not my problem.
I love that when I am not spanked I get reminders of what is to come. Even a love tap in public or a mouthed comment, “beat your butt” so only I see keeps me in spanko mode.
November 8th, 2009 - 10:13 am
hi punkin,
sorry to go off topic but i’m trying hard not to bother you with emails.
i just just enjoyed the new shots in the vanilla area and found a true “whattizzit!!!”. it’s the one above the cute cottages.
i’m well and truly stumped. and where did you find a skink in joisey???
cookie could have used the eastern ribbon snake as a pet for her son.
(((((many hugs))))) & bootsie and blackykitty send x-tra pats and earscratches to the shelter,
ddon
November 9th, 2009 - 8:26 am
pixie interesting post as usual ,Angelina looks nice and the new spankee ,it will be great to see them later on ,love and spanks from tim xxxxxx
November 9th, 2009 - 2:03 pm
May I add my appreciation of all the Tops in the world. Especially the female ones
Prefectdt
November 9th, 2009 - 11:23 pm
Thanks pixie, you are a sweetie!!!!!!!!!
Mike
November 10th, 2009 - 12:23 am
i have an idea for David i think he should make a Christmas spanking commercial
November 10th, 2009 - 2:40 pm
pixie wow if that was the last vid of Beverlys at p.b. her botty will be grateful lol ,love and spanks from tim xxxxxx
November 10th, 2009 - 5:14 pm
Amen to all of this! It’s a tough job, as you swiftly realise if you ever encounter anyone who’s less good at it – I’m very lucky in my tops and it’s easy to take them for granted. I think you’ve summarised the skills involved in successful topping amazingly well. Who needs The Topping Book – you should just print out this as a Topping Pamphlet!
I might even repost it on my blog, if you didn’t mind – I think you’ve got right to the heart of it.
I love how you’re always so positive – it’s very inspiring
November 10th, 2009 - 6:53 pm
Steve – oh yes, I think there will always be high demand for good spankers. Naughty brats abound.
nooch –
Erica – Thank goodness for those good tops out there. It’s a tall work order, but there are lots that fit the bill.
Kevin – Yes, I’d imagine that with a newbie or even someone who is experienced but new to you, it would be more challenging.
David – Good shoot!
Burl – I think being a good Top is truly an admirable thing. It can’t be easy. There is so much more to it than just technical skill.
Keagen – Oh thank heaven for the good.
Biker – So very true. That exchange of power can be a scary but potentially very rewarding experience for both.
007 – I’m sure you do!
Razor – Awww Razor. I think you did an excellent job and met all eight!! I think we’ve both come a long way since we first shot though, and as with everything in life, it’s a never ending learning experience. Thank you for the birthday wishes!
Lorraine – No selling yourself short though. It takes two to tango.
Linde – Tell Adam I really did write it! I promise.
And I absolutely love your new phrase, Life-Lap!!
Norm – LOL! I’m loving all of the mutual gratitude we are extending to our play partners. It makes me smile.
Isolde – Wow! Definitely sounds like you did a great job and provided a very special moment for that sweet lady. That was so kind of you to help her.
dani – Ideally the spankings are indeed mutually beneficial. It takes a good pairing though, but when it happens, it’s fantastic.
2Good – Hmmmm … now why do I think there might be some assistance provided in misplacing an implement (or one launching across the room on occasion)?
ddon – Found the skink scampering over the boulders along the Del. Water Gap. I live in an area of Jersey that is much more rural than most envision when thinking of the state.
tim – Both Angelina and Mischa were great to work with! As for Beverly, happily we still have more great footage of her left to share.
Prefectdt – Teehee. You may indeed. Here’s to all the lovely ladies with hard hands.
Mike – Does this help move me off the naughty list?
Crystal – That sounds like a fun idea.
Pandora – Oh thank you!!! Of course I wouldn’t mind. I’d be so honored!!!
November 11th, 2009 - 3:12 am
Dear Pixie,
Yes, it’s hard work being a Spanker (or Top), but I’m happy to do it…..no sacrifice is too great….
Dr. Ken
November 11th, 2009 - 2:09 pm
pixie glad you have more of beverly to come love an spanks from tim xxxxxx