A little embarrassment can go a long way with a spanking. A small reminder that such a punishment is childish. The focus on my poor bottom. The squirmy dread I feel as my cheeks are bared – exposed and awaiting the first smack. Delightful.
It’s a fine line with me though. For example, I did not enjoy the level of embarrassment I felt when the ocean wind blew my skirt up exposing my panty clad rear to a few passengers aboard my cruise last winter. Seemingly similar exposure, but oh so different in experience. It was innocent embarrassment and quite funny looking back on it now, but it’s not something I’d be thrilled to repeat!
Way on the extreme end of the spectrum for me is purposeful humiliation or degradation. Although it’s a true hot button for some, it’s just not a good fit for me. I don’t want my already fragile self-esteem to suffer more than my bottom and be left feeling emotionally worse off than before my punishment.
But I do love to blush as I hear what a naughty girl I’ve been. I enjoy shifting and fidgeting under the weight of my impending doom. And just that little drop of embarrassment can do so much to heighten an already good scene.
What is your take on spanking and embarrassment? Is it an important component or perhaps an element you don’t experience at all?
October 18th, 2009 - 7:10 pm
Pixie,
Does part of your embarrassment stem your awareness of deserving the spanking you’re about to receive?
GE
October 18th, 2009 - 7:24 pm
It’s all about the setup!!!
October 18th, 2009 - 7:52 pm
There probably is a little embarrassment in every spanking. I mean, we are talking about a grown woman getting spanked here… often on the bare bottom… so little bit of blushing is natural. It can be enhanced a bit too with the right words or even looks. Kind of depends on the nature of the spanking how far that can be pushed. Even in a purely playful fun type spanking though, adding a bot of embarrassment works.
If it’s a more serious spanking… like real discipline… the misdeed being addressed will likely add to the embarrassment felt. Nothing wrong with that. We’re both with you though… purposeful humiliation is dangerous ground. Really have to tread with care there. It does indeed work for some spankees and there is nothing at all wrong with that. Just need to know what you’re doing is going to work for them in the right way… and not push then into a bad place.
For us personally, Suzy is a lot like you. Feeling embarrassed, sure… that works. Humiliation though, that has her focusing far more on “what did I do, what’s wrong with me” than the actual spanking. So, it doesn’t work for her.
~Todd and Suzy
October 18th, 2009 - 8:55 pm
Pixie I dont experience much embarrassment at all. I do what I do and dont care. I have a hard time commemting to many people around. So if Im right your birthday is coming up HAPPY BIRTHDAY I wound be embarrass if someone found out about my spanking interest.
October 18th, 2009 - 8:56 pm
I agree with you on the humiliation thing. I appear confident, but I’m really not. I fake it well, but am extremely fragile. I will often muse about things that are said to me for days afterwards, and not really in a good way. The smallest things can freak me out on the largest scale. Humiliation is the context of what I’ve done, or what I look like, or what I deserve, ultimately, shuts me down. I stop responding in the emotional realm, and go into this “observation” mode, of sorts.
Embarrassment is a viable part of spanking, overall. It’s just a part of it. . . . and spanking is a part of my life. . . . . so, I have come to terms with the embarrassment factor. I’m extremely self-conscious about my body, and so, that sometimes doesn’t help me much. However, I am fully comfortable in the hands of KYOTKGUY, and am learning to be marginally more comfortable, in general.
October 18th, 2009 - 8:59 pm
hi punkin,
i don’t know whether my suggestion of this topic [email some months ago] inspired this or if it was a seed that took root. thanx anyway.
can we see the paradox here with the breeze??? the same wonderfull pretty girl who has no qualms whatever in having her skirt raised for a spanking on fully exposed pants that will soon come down, on film that will be seen by 100′s if not 1000′s of friends & strangers, is horrified at a wafted skirt that wasn’t wafted for more than 3 seconds tops. [just set a new recoredfor run on sentence]
and try and remember us old duffers who are without. that little breeze might have given much joy to a needy dirty old man. as the diamonds sang in 1953:
you have so much to give
i don’t need much to live
oh!… do it just for charity
[find that one pup, it's the atlantic diamonds]
the paradox exists tho. the girl who wears a bathing suit just a tad larger than a large triangle postage stamp has a panic attack if she thinks her skirt was improperly ajusted.
the blushing,fidgeting, naughty girl certainly is very important to me in a scene. nooch has it right. there was a pb’s epidode where you did a solliliquy about a chair that was wonderfull. and i’ll bet a bunch of people wrote in to say we don’t want chairs we want spanking. maybe once every few months there could be one episode where a ballance between set up, aftermath, and spanking could feature the embarrassment/humiliation on both ends of the scene. i know it involves a bit of real acting but i think the girls have it in them if it’s just brought out.
degredation has no part in a well run universe. unless you’re talking about the bushes and cheney’s, then degrade away.
spanking for non spankos are all about humiliation and perforce embarrassment. so i think this has a place with pb’s and should be exploited.
the paradox is real and only a very small % of girls could have their skirts blown up and look at a bunch of smirking guys and say “enjoy the show, did’ja???
oh…one big favor…next time you’re at the shelter give everyone x-tra pats & ear scratching….for,
don, bootsie, & blackykitty
luvya
October 18th, 2009 - 9:04 pm
Without emotions involved, I find spanking to be mostly just a boring striking of the butt.
One potent emotion is embarrassment, described as feelings of vulnerability, exposure, shame, and humility. In the context of a spanking, these feelings range from painful to pleasurable and to titillate the senses, similar to the physical feelings involved. The entire scenario surrounding a spanking helps create or define the emotions felt. A genuine punishment scenario works best, for obvious reasons.
The intention is to create the feelings, and has nothing to do with disrespecting the one getting spanked. Limits for the individuals involved must be understood. There’s no degradation because the act takes no dignity or worth away from anyone, even if the difficult emotions are felt pretty deeply.
Does that sound too much like something out of a textbook? Spanking & Embarrassment 101 (4-credit with Lab)
October 18th, 2009 - 11:09 pm
Purposeful acts that are meant to degrade me or humiliate me in a hurtful way would be well…hurtful.
Small acts of humiliation though, are major major triggers (in a good way!). For instance – pulling my pants down before you yank me across your lap; telling me my panties are about to come down and I’m going to be spanked on the bare; holding my chin up so I can’t look at the floor which seems a bit more welcoming than your eyes…
October 18th, 2009 - 11:47 pm
A very interesting post, and one which definitely separates spankos from those on the vanilla side who don’t even try to understand.
As the submissive I love to be, I think that the vulnerability of some degree of embarrassment is an important trust-building aspect. I just want to let go and let the authority figure guide me into deeper levels of pleasurable submission.
I know I’m on the right track when my delicate princess side begins expressing herself so effortlessly. Embarrassments can open the magic emotional door…:)
October 19th, 2009 - 5:14 am
I feel that without an aura of fantasized embarrassment, there is no flowering of pleasure to a spanking, it’s just a technical act. And with a sexy atmosphere of humiliation and “come-uppance” it’s all rehearsed play, really–but actually feeling ashamed or truly degraded is no part of any kind of fun.
October 19th, 2009 - 10:55 am
I get a bigger kick out of seeing a rabbit in the wild than an exotic animal in the zoo because I like the unexpected. Likewise seeing your skirt blow up over your panties in real life would excite me more than one of your bare bottom videos. I think embarrassment enhances the unexpected and this is what I appreciate more in spanking scenes than the actual ass pounding.
A porn producer once told me that novelty has no place in a sex video. Based on the content of most spanking videos, I guess the greater majority of producers agree. Three cheers for those with a unique storyline and a little embarrassment thrown in. All the better if the embarrassment extends a little bit to the viewer.
October 19th, 2009 - 11:25 am
Hi Pixie,
Embarrassment works very effectively on me. When my hoh ends an evening early with our friends, they know why, and I know that they know why, and that is sooooooo!!!! embarrassing. humilation would be him spanking me with the bedroom door open, as they sit in the den. Although the very next day In private I have to let my girlfriends from the evening before, examine my hohs handy work, the tears come, then we bond. embarrassing, but not humilating.
October 19th, 2009 - 1:42 pm
Hey pixie. You had a video a while back riffing on My Super Sweet Sixteen that used embarrassment perfectly; the threat of getting a spanking at your birthday party was going just far enough – the threat was real, but the probability of actually receiving that spanking was slim (probably because the threat was real
)
And I think that’s basically my thoughts, as well. Take, for instance, public spanking. The threat, the possibility, the mere hint of someone whispering “you’re treading a thin line!” is exciting! But most don’t actually want that spanking to occur.
October 19th, 2009 - 2:02 pm
As others have said, I find a little embarrassment to be a squirmy delight, but when it crosses over into humiliation, I’m done.
Hard to define the difference, since one person’s embarrassment would be another’s humiliation, and vice versa. But anything that makes me feel degraded, stupid or hurt, and wanting to disappear into thin air, rather than blushing and feeling goosebump-y, would qualify.
October 19th, 2009 - 5:13 pm
[...] Pixie recently blogged about embarrassment and humiliation during spankings and it sparked some thoughts in me. Rather than leave her a [...]
October 19th, 2009 - 7:56 pm
[...] Amish Spanking (I have no idea what movie this came from) Spanked at a Bar Women of Color Spanked! Pixie’s Upskirt Finish the [...]
October 19th, 2009 - 9:01 pm
The threat of embarrassment is more effective in punishing or deterring than the threat of physical pain. Women who get in trouble at work might be fired, might be denied a bonus, but they are most afraid of being made to lose their composure and breaking down in tears while being publicly scolded. I once saw someone devastated losing casual Friday privileges, and having to come to work in a suit with a skirt and stockings, while her friends were wearing jeans and seeing that she was being punished.
That’s why I especially like the scenes with women wearing jeans which they have to unsnap and lower, and the scene “Tutor Trouble” (with a couple of cheer leaders giggling at their tutor getting spanked with her panties pulled down) was one of my favorites.
October 20th, 2009 - 9:34 am
Pixie interesting post as usual ,yes embarrasment is very amusing in your vids the cuties being spanked like naughty little kiddies ,nice to see Lily anna again thogh i do prefer otk hand spanking ,really ,love and spanks from tim xxxxxx
October 21st, 2009 - 1:58 am
‘Embareassment’s key to the liquefaction of free will to surrender.’
-Mrs. Nietzsche.
October 22nd, 2009 - 2:04 am
What you describe about your own likes and dislikes here pretty much mirrors what I do and do not enjoy in a spanking scene or story – and one of the reasons I love Punished Brats so much: The girls are embarrassed about being spanked, and certainly not happy about having their bottoms bared – but they never seem mortified or humiliated. (When a brat’s panties come down, I generally have the impression that she is upset at the anticipation of increased sting, not at the exposure itself.) They are humbled, but not degraded – even when made to stand with nose in the corner and red, sore fannies on display. (As seemed to be the consensus in an earlier topic, realistic is not always best in spanking scenes!)
As for “live action,” when I have given real spankings, I have most preferred that embarrassment not be present. When I have received spankings (in the context of role-play), I honestly have not felt embarrassment, but have sort of tried to “pretend” to myself that I did, if that makes any sense.
Thanks for yet another great and thought-provoking question, Pix!
October 22nd, 2009 - 4:07 am
There’s nothing wrong with a little embarrassment. It’s not anything I necessarily strive for, but if it happens, it’s a nice addition to the experience.
Your cruise experience reminds me of an incident that happened a long time ago. I was working as an usher at a theater–not a movie theater, but the kind that puts on plays. The parking area area was undergoing major construction, so there was a wooden walkway and railings built over the area being renovated.
One gentleman was waiting in line with the tickets while his girlfriend parked the car. I’m not sure what path she took, but when she finally came to the door, she was on the construction side of the railing rather than on the walkway. Without thinking about it, the gent reached over the railing, put both hands on her waist and lifted her up over the railing…..and in doing so, the hem of her dress pretty much got pulled up to her waist!
Once he put her down and they realized what had happened, he was laughing, she was blushing and smoothing her dress down. As he gave me the tickets, I tore them, gave him the stubs, and said, “And now I hope you enjoy OUR show.”
Dr. Ken
October 22nd, 2009 - 6:43 pm
I know for certain I get embarassed if my spanker mentions spanking to me in a low tone but in public…or if I get a playful smack that may or may not be seen by others.
Taking off my pants for a spanking can be embarassing, but that often gets lost since I am also anxious for what is upcoming…in a good way…and I am less embarassed if I am told sternly to hurry up….then I concentrate on being extra speedy.
I tend to do a bit too much laughing if I am about to be spanked, if I am bratting or after a spanking and that doesn’t go over too well. Do I laugh because I am having fun, nervous or embarassed? Not sure.
Sometimes after a spanking I can give a glare or pout, other times I can’t even look my spanker in the eye. Sometimes I go right in for the hug…is that to avoid any and all eye contact or is it because I am happy I was spanked? I wonder all of these things!! Great post topic.
October 22nd, 2009 - 8:40 pm
Jan, I never heard that quote before; I love it! Jeff,that ‘pretending to be embarrassed’ made perfect sense to me. I agee with what dani said about vulnerability being an important trust building factor.
Ed, I know what you mean about being embarrassed if people found out. Over the weekend I favourited this ‘Ten greatest spanking scenes in Japanese anime’ clip on YouTube, and immediately this ‘helpful’ little prompt pops up:’Do you want us to send a link of your new favourite video to your contacts on Facebook/Twitter?’ lol Can you imagine my poor grannie opening up he email! “And this is person is executor of my will and my medical proxy?!?”
October 22nd, 2009 - 10:05 pm
Guitar Eddie – It can, but not necessarily. As Todd mentioned, even a fun or role play spanking can have that element of embarrassment. It’s more about the mood and tone of the over all spanking. Such a good question. It really got me thinking. I fear I haven’t done such a great job of answering because it can all vary so much from situation to situation.
nooch – Absolutely!
Todd & Suzy – It’s so individualized. I’m glad that you have been able to find what works best for you both.
Ed – That’s great that you are so comfortable with your interest in spanking. And thank you for the birthday wishes.
Keagen – I can absolutely relate to reacting by shutting down. Simultaneously safer and scarier but never a pleasant thing.
You have such a good outlook on embarrassment. I’m not surprised though. You have such incredible insight into all sorts of matters!!
ddon – Yes, I know it may seem odd at first glance but the situations feel entirely different … just as I am ok in being on camera and knowingly getting spanked for content that will be made available to lots of people online, and yet I absolutely could not stand up in front of a small group of people and deliver a speech. I think most people have a few quirks like these though.
And as you said, probably not many girls would have had the unshakable confidence to reply cheekily (no pun intended) to lucky smirking onlookers if their skirt was blown up.
dana – LOL! I wouldn’t say you sound too textbook. That is a great explanation. However, if you’re going to start offering that course, sign me up.
Marie – I’m so with you on those small acts. Those can be thrilling if done with the right person and aren’t degrading.
dani – Good point! It all goes back to trust. So key.
Lorraine – Right. Sometimes I wonder if I overthink the subject too much, but there really is much more to a spanking than just a hand or object colliding with a bottom.
Frank – Absolutely. The element of surprise or the unexpected is truly magical. In addition to embarrassment, I love to see all sorts of emotional reactions from the one getting spanked.
scarlettBottom – eeep! Yes, that would be embarrassing! I am assuming that your friends are also into spanking? It’s interesting how embarrassed we can still get even in front of our fellow spanko friends. I know I still blush deeply even at a party situation when my time has come!
Kev – Yup! We want to push it to the limit but not quite cross that line.
Erica – Everyone is so different and it can take a while to work out what is just the right level for another person or even ourselves. It’s a process of trial and error but when it crosses that line, it’s hard to dig out of that negative headspace for a while.
Mo – Wow! I can understand why that person would be upset over losing the privileges. It might not seem that terrible at first glance, but I would quickly grow to dread Fridays fearing that my coworkers were snickering.
tim – Then I am sure you’ll love the next Lily Anna scene that is due to be posted in a few weeks. It is an OTK hand spanking – Brat Spat with Bronte, Lily Anna, and David.
jan – very nice quote
Jeff – Pretending to yourself makes sense to me.
I’ve done that as well.
Dr. Ken – Oh wow! That is such a funny story! Maybe not for the girl, but then again hopefully she could look back and laugh too after a short while.
2Good – You’ve raised some awesome questions!! I’m going to have to think about some of my own actions / reactions and see if I can figure them out a little more.
October 23rd, 2009 - 1:15 am
I’m a fan of private embarrassment, i.e., playing on her fear of public exposure rather than actual exposure. As long as the feeling exists in her mind, it is powerful but once it is live it has a reality that probably isn’t near as bad as she feared. Not to mention, it can become humiliation, cause recriminations from less understanding people and possibly feelings of betrayal.
Which is better? A man and a recently spanked woman following a hostess to their table: A) He comments loud enough for others to hear about her being recently spanked or B) He quietly asks her, “I wonder if anyone suspects that less than 20 minutes ago you were getting your bare bottom spanked?” I’ve used the latter to good effect on my date with no public notice other than perhaps some wondering why the woman I was now having to guide with a hand on her back was blushing so.
Or a woman being bratty reacting to a quiet speculation of how many people nearby might be thinking he should give her a good old fashioned spanking. Of course, anyone watching might have wondered if a spanking had been promised by the blush and immediate interruption of the bratting the whisper provoked.
Humiliation and degradation can become a real part of her psyche, whereas, a private embarrassment becomes a shared secret.
October 24th, 2009 - 11:34 am
Pixie: I feel that if it is to be a punishment spanking, then, yes, embarrassment, and some humiliation should be present. such as the bottom being bared, scolding, and, of course, time in a corner, with red bottom on display after the spanking, possibly even more scolding,
September 1st, 2011 - 8:52 am
Pixie,
I love fantasy spanking/humiliation scenarios-but my favorite part is the girl victim pre-punishment. I love seeing the humiliation but I have a special quirk-I dated a girl who could do a SPOT ON impression of a nervous “gulp” like they do in cartoons! I would say something ominous to her when we’d be out in public -like “I’ll deal with you later”-then her eyes would get huge like saucers, she’d tremble a little stick her neck out and swallow so hard that it actually made an extremely audible “gulp” noise . She did this on purpose of course as a part of the role play. She knew I loved the cartoonish little kiddish quality of it. Then to make it even better, sometimes she would say “I’m doomed”-I loved that too-you said the word doom in your blog and for some reason it just turns me on! also very cartoonish/fantasy esque. Am I crazy? What do you think of these turn ons? Would you ever incorporate them in a scenario-or even better, have you ever gulped or said “I’m doomed” before?