I’d imagine that most of us find our interest in spanking waxes and wanes over time. Sometimes spanking is a focal point and other times it comes pretty low down on the list of life’s priorities. I think it’s natural to happen with most any interest.
I certainly experience these waves with spanking as well as vanilla hobbies. But it has only been with spanking that I’ve ever purposely tried to force my interest to wane.
I haven’t always had the comfort level that I currently feel in being a spanko today. There was a period of time that I wasn’t ok with it at all. I had already discovered that I was far from the only one out there that shared a passion for spanking and had made some good online friends, but I couldn’t shake the guilt and the overall sense of being “weird”. I wanted to be a vanilla in the worst way.
The discomfort grew and grew until one day I decided to break clean from anything spanking related and see if I could change who I was. I wiped my computer clean of any bookmarks for spanking sites, removed myself from all of the groups and forums, deleted photos, and bid farewell to my spanking friends. I threw myself headfirst as hard as I could into other interests and obsessions. I was determined to fill my life so full of other things that there wouldn’t even be a chance to miss the world of spanking.
It was difficult and clearly my efforts didn’t work in the long-term, but for a while, I sort of “forgot” about spanking. I temporarily achieved my goal of living a total vanilla life free of so much as a stray thought about spanking.
But one day, seemingly out of the blue, the desire for a spanking returned. I can’t recall if I caught some sort of reference that reminded me or what may have triggered the urge, but it was back and it was strong! Shortly afterwards, I went back online and sought out my old spanking friends and forums. I reconnected to others and rekindled my love of spanking. I realized that I probably wasn’t going to ever shake an interest that I’d had for so long, and I chose to embrace it instead. I haven’t looked back since.
Have you ever struggled with accepting your interest in spanking? Have you ever tried to go vanilla? I’m guessing that if you’re reading this, you weren’t successful either. 
July 10th, 2009 - 5:31 pm
I still have not come out all the way and at 50+ it is hard to find some one that you can open up to and talk to so thank you to the net I have found that most spankos are good folks and just hard to find in your home town but I’m still looking and Pixie you keep doing the good job with this blog!
July 10th, 2009 - 5:34 pm
Dear Pixie,
I’ve certainly had feelings that I tried to pretend didn’t exist. I struggled for years with it, in fact. I turned my personality inside out pretending I didn’t feel the way I did.
And for all that, to my dismay, it always came back. I’d see a picture or something and the feeling would return. All I ever really gained was many years of being unhappy.
It seemed that if I felt that way, then all the people who were being cruel were justified in being that way, tortured person that I was.
What’s really the point of the struggle? Can you see why I would want to write you such sincere things?
The positive thing is that all this made me probably more compassionate than I would have been.
It’s very obvious that you are compassionate, too. See where it comes from?
Bless you, my dear!
July 10th, 2009 - 8:05 pm
i have some resentment for trying to go back vanilla but its hard after you have lived in the lifestyle for long periods of time .. i have been in this lifestyle for about 5 yrs now .. and i have had my ups and downs …
July 10th, 2009 - 8:30 pm
Pixie — spot on experience. In the end you just have to accept who you are. I can’t tell you how many times I deleted all my spanking bookmarks and vowed never to look again. But it just doesn’t last.
July 10th, 2009 - 10:45 pm
Don’t think that in my thoughts, in what aroused and arouses me, that spanking ever receded nor did I try to sublimate (with one exception below). I also knew that I wasn’t alone from a very young age, but like most of us, I never wanted to advertise and while I didn’t think that I was weird, I did think others might feel that way. So, it was with girlfriends whom I could inveigle into spanking that I was open with. There was a fifteen year period in which I didn’t engage in spanking except in the mind, the emotions and the feelings of arousal. I played what I was given every reason to believe was shared erotic spanking games with my ex-wife through courtship, for the five years we lived together prior to marriage and for two years into the marriage, when she announced she didn’t like it. So, with the exception of having a child, was virtually sexless until I couldn’t stand it any more and went outside, at about the time that our child was going off to college. Would never have a long-term relationship without spanking.
July 10th, 2009 - 10:59 pm
Hi There Pixie!
I have been a spanko for 55 years, since I was two. For long stretches of time, measured in years, if not a decade or two, I would reframe from spanking and spanking fantasies, or at least try. I would use suppression to block spanking imagery from entering my mind or becoming part of my sexual reverie. The suppression worked, for a while, but it did not even put a dent in my urge to spank or be spanked. If the pain of a swat couldn’t deter my fetish, trying to hold back my spanking compulsion wasn’t going to work either, and it hasn’t. As they say, “Once you get whacked, you never go back!”
A day doesn’t go by that I don’t feel uncomfortable about my spanking activity. Like you Pixie, I, too, wanted to be vanilla in the worst way, but let’s face it: I’m fruit-tootie, or at the very least, cosmopolitan ice cream. I wish it weren’t so, but then straight sex tends to be a bit boring without a couple of good swats to get the blood flowing. Better make that a couple of hundred swats!
Theoretically, at least, there is one, possible way that the spanking craze might be kicked, and it can’t be done by pretense, reaction formation, or playacting. Living on a desert island won’t work either. If we fully embrace our spanking desires while experiencing all the predisposing causes and conditions of our kink, we might end up integrating our compulsion to spank or be spanked into the greater realm of our consciousness where it becomes swallowed up by the luminosity of our being. Thereafter, the corporal punishment urge may lose much of its appeal, especially as we age. In behavioral terms, the practice undergoes extinction due to a lack of consistent reinforcement, but not as a result of punishment, for that would only reinforce the spanking merry-go-round. D-ah!
July 10th, 2009 - 11:23 pm
Hi Pixie,
I tried to escape the spanking scene several times only to be dragged back into it.
I did the same things you did, wipe my computer clean, throw away and burn my pictures, videos and magazines. Threw myself into other interests like cycling, computers, photography, etc. etc., only to be sucked back in.
I spent many years and much money in therapy trying to figure out what was wrong with me. I didn’t understand why I was the way I was. I gave up when I couldn’t find the answer.
My spanking fetish has imprisoned me, I’m not married, no kids, no friends or relatives all because I’m afraid they’ll find out who I really am and leave me. I would like to get out, but I’m afraid that’s not possible. It’s my only world. It’s all I have now
In addition, it’s ruined me financially. I have collected thousands of pictures, movies and magazines (even after burning my collection several times) and it’s cost me so much money.
In another post, I posted a link to my story about how I got into the scene when I witnessed a girl at school recieve the paddle. In some ways, I wish I would have never seen it. That’s the day I changed forever. I often wonder what my life would have been like if I had not witnessed that incident.
I have accepted my spanking fetish as a hobby, at least that’s how I’m able to cope and rationalize with it. It’s my comfort zone and I’m afraid to leave it.
Will
July 11th, 2009 - 12:28 am
Pixie,
You hit the nail on the head (so to speak)!! I’ve tried to push all thoughts of spanking from my mind and my life several times. I deleted my e-mail account and dropped off numerous Yahoo and other spanking related topic groups. But, the thoughts and the desire stay. I even went to a couple different counselors and told them all about my thoughts. They knew all about sadomasochistic desires but they didn’t seem to understand I just wanted …NEEDED to have my bare bottom smacked and the release that it gave me. I didn’t want to be tied up, hung up, brutally beat, or any part of my body other than my bottom smacked. Preferably, OTK in a traditional manner but some slight variations in position or use of small paddles/straps might be acceptable. I think my opennes and honesty caused them more of a problem than it did me. When I became able to say, “This is who I am …. and I like myself the way I am” then I no longer felt “different, strange, perverted or abnormal” and the thoughts that I should TRY to change myself went away. If the desire EVER DOES go away than I can accept that also but, I’m not concerned that it might or might not. I have meet some wonderful LIKE-MINDED people and I cherish and enjoy all that life has brought!!!
Linde
July 11th, 2009 - 1:01 am
pixie ,
very strong words !!!! the feeling of shame , and unacceptance are overwelming to say the least . it is a very tortured life when you dont have the confidence or know how to tell anyone , or talk about it . at the age of 45 i finally had the guts to punch the word “spanking” into the computer . how awful it is to be so blessed in life on one hand , and then to be so lonely and scared on the other .
your words are very comforting and insperational , thank you .
July 11th, 2009 - 2:36 am
I know better than to try to resist it, it’s way too ingrained in my psyche. But I’m still furtive about it because there’s so much hurtful and hysterical misinformation out there. Last week I was reading an online article about Michael Jackson in Vanity Fair (called CSI Neverland) and the author (Maureen Orth) said that: “some 600 exhibits were entered into evidence, including Jackson’s collection of fetish ‘Barbies’ bare-breasted plastic dolls dressed in S&M gear. Almost every day brought a new, incredible twist.”
Of the 600 items gathered plainly, for Ms Orth, the most shockingly depraved was a Dominatrix Barbie. That sounds very tame to me; even a little lame. I wonder how large a segment of the population
she’s speaking for?
July 11th, 2009 - 3:49 am
This happens from time to time. For example, in January 2009, I even cut off access to my blog.
July 11th, 2009 - 4:49 am
Dear Pixie,
My interest waxes and wanes a bit. Growing up I was confused and guilty about my fascination, but once I knew it was something some people were into, I just accepted it. I’ve never tried to go or think vanilla. I don’t think it’s had a negative impact on my life, but then I’ve never forced it where it didn’t fit, and I’ve been able to get by without experiencing most of what might have been fulfilling about it. Because it hasn’t played a large part in my adult life, I never seem to get tired of thinking about spanking.
July 11th, 2009 - 4:55 am
I can’t say I really tried to stop liking spanking that much, but I did have that period in my life where I tried to be like everyone else.
Back in high school I thought about the way I was and said, “Hmm I was so tired one morning that I decided to sleep in…until 5 am, then I forgot how to spell “eingeschlafen” while I dreamed of biking 150 miles in one day all while making sure I got good grades. This isn’t normal.”
So I decided I am going to be “normal” Big mistake, I sucked so bad at being normal it is unreal. More and more people hated me, so I learned, with some help from music, that it is better to just be yourself. That is what I encourage you all to do, be yourself. I have found it to be the greatest thing ever. For me being normal is hard, being the obsessive multi-lingual, cycling nut that I am is so much easier.
You can bet that I am also never going to try to deviate from spanking. Not happening, or as they would say in German, “Auf keine Fall!”
Great question though Pixie!
Cheers,
Drew
July 11th, 2009 - 5:01 am
BTW, I’m very glad you decided to get back into it. I hope you always get what you want out of spanking, and sharing your interest, and the person you are, is sharing a treasure with those of us who can appreciate it. What’s so great about being vanilla? The way I see it, your spankonality (did I just made that one up? lol) is just one facet of your beauty as a person.
July 11th, 2009 - 5:06 am
I lived most of my life in denial of my spanko feelings.
Yet ideas, fantasies and everything that had to do with spanking raced through my brain. Everyday and non-stop.
Lived in my own litle world, collecting magazines, videos, cd’s and what not. What I saw and read added to my excitement and fed my will to actually participate, share those feelings.
But that happened only seldom.
So, I found an alternative in making drawings of spanking scenes which almost felt like “living the real thing” as the mind is a powerful force.
And than – literally from the clear blue sky – there was Rosaleen Young… I befriended her from the second day she appeared on the Internet and stayed a good friend till her last day on the Net. She was the one who made me realize that I simply had to be me. To open up and accept…
Since there were many friends I could share with. As Pixie said, basically pretty ‘normal’ and fine people.
There was no end to my luck as I befriended two more wonderful women, with whom I engaged in wonderful ‘indepth’ correspondence.
AMBER PIXIE WELLS and – a year later – AUDREY KNIGHT. Two very talented and intelligent women, who I grew very fond of as they added so much to my life.
Yes, it felt soooo good to open up and share…
July 11th, 2009 - 6:56 am
Yes, I have tried. I have went up to a year, without viewing spanking materials, the thoughts waned, but they never went away. I would hear “young lady” on a random television program, or there would be a references elsewhere……. “Spank Me” on panties, spankings in the old Hollywood movies I love. For me, spanking is everywhere, and a part of me, so I now just accept it…
———————-
Of the 600 items gathered plainly, for Ms Orth, the most shockingly depraved was a Dominatrix Barbie. That sounds very tame to me; even a little lame. I wonder how large a segment of the population
she’s speaking for?
———————
Orth is a shock jock with a pen.
I think people are more aware of the spanking/BDSM world than ever, but do not understand the subtle nuisances. Being into spanking, isn’t the same as being into some parts of BDSM, although people who are interested often overlap. Interest in BDSM though, however it is shown, is STILL being used to shock the general public, and still works…
July 11th, 2009 - 1:01 pm
Pixie interesting post ,no ive never tried to forget about spanking its just there .Hope you feel better soon .Great to see charlie back o.t.k. again being very naughty indeed but she receives big spanks from Veronica lol. as Sarah did .Love and spanks from tim xxxx
July 11th, 2009 - 1:24 pm
I went through a couple of different stages of this in my teens and very early twenties. I went cold turkey for six months. Got rid of everything on my computer and things I had collected in print. I finally accepted that this was a part of me that was hard wired and not going away. I was able to embrace it more once I knew I was not alone in it!
Thank God for the internet!!!
Spanks for sharing Pixie!
July 11th, 2009 - 8:48 pm
I always thought my submissive urges were part of being feminine, so I sort of romanticized away any guilt feelings that ever bothered me.
Glad you had a nice vacation, Pixie!
July 11th, 2009 - 10:24 pm
Yes, the interest does occaisionally wane, if I am really busy with other things and generally satisfied with my life at the moment, or if I am too depressed to get pleasure out of anything. But I’ve never intentionally tried to forget about it. It is something that brings me too much pleasure, something that gives me a perfect release from the stress of daily life. I could never deny that interest to myself, its just ingrained in my brain. The thoughts automatically pop into my head, and they usually make me smile. I wouldn’t want to deny myself that little bit of happiness. It can be difficult, keeping it a secret. It can cause embarrassment if the thoughts come into my head when there are other people around (what if they can read my mind?) I would never be comfortable revealing these desires to anyone who I wasn’t certain would be into it too. I’m sure they would never accept it. But I accept it in myself. Its a sectret worth having.
July 11th, 2009 - 11:58 pm
Dear Pixie,
Someone I know said every spanko has thrown out their spanking collection at least once in their lives. I’m starting to think they were right.
I know I did it, and then within a very short amount of time starting trying to recollect all the pictures, magazines, etc. Some things you just can’t fight….
It took me awhile to attain the age and wisdom to realize that this is who I am, it’s actually quite normal, and there’s nothing wrong having the “spanking bug”….
Dr. Ken
July 12th, 2009 - 7:13 am
Wow pixie Veronica didnt spare her small paddle on your bottie did she cutie /? lol.love and spanks from tim xxxx
July 12th, 2009 - 8:34 am
WOW! You sure hit on a great point here. I discovered long ago that this spanking fetish isn’t something I do, it’s part of who I am.
It doesn’t help that I married a vanilla who thinks the whole thing is perverted and abusive.
That being said I’m blessed to have friends in our community that give me an outlet for this part of me!
July 12th, 2009 - 9:49 am
Just a short note to weigh in. I’m another who has gotten rid of everything in the past only to be drwn back. I now accept that spanking is part of me, and endorse it wholeheartedly.
July 12th, 2009 - 2:12 pm
I’ve been there. Sometimes a fictional character can say it better than me:
“Just when I thought I was out… they pull me back in. ”
-Michael Corleone
July 12th, 2009 - 3:44 pm
Hi Pixie….
Interesting topic. Like another of the people who posted, I was “turned on” to spanking at a young age, during my school years, witnessing a spanking of a female classmate and receiving one myself that didn’t hurt like all the others. The biggest thing I have to deal with is not wanting to hurt women, yet – at the same time – wanting to spank them. Also, it’s sometimes difficult to accept that, as a switch, I want to be spanked by a woman. So, to strike a balance, I never force my interests on people, but also have accepted my interest in spanking is part of my pshyce that will not go away. Now that I am in my mid – 50′s, it likely never will.
Thanks for all the good work you do on this blog, and on the Punished Brats site .
Gord.
July 12th, 2009 - 6:33 pm
Hi Pixie,
I have found many wonderful friends in the world of spanking..having met many of them in person.
Once again another thought provoking post that brings many thoughts to mind. I have sturggled with my spanking interest seems like most of my life! Collecting and then throwing away my spanking items a couple of times…once almost getting caught tossing a large bag of items into a dumpster!! The one item that I really wish that I had back is an old school paddle that actually came from the school I attended when I was a kid. It had kids and teachers names on the padde…and I know that it was used many times over the years. In the last ten years I have come to embrace my spanking interest due in large part to the internet and finding out that there are others that share the spanking bug with me. After I received my first ‘real’ spanking 10 years ago, I felt like a different person.
I enjoy reading your blog thank you for sharing a very personal part of your life with us, the readers.
Happy spanks!
allie
July 12th, 2009 - 6:46 pm
Hi Pixie,
Like many others here, it took the internet to help me realize that I was not alone in the way I was “wired”. I have never intentionally tried to put this side of me on the back burner, it just comes and goes on its own for no apparent reason and no obvious trigger.
When I do get the urge to explore this side of me, most of what I find on the internet regarding spanking borders on pornography or is simply too abusive for my tastes. I was so delighted to recently discover the PB videos on spankingtube which lead me to become a PB member
Pixie, I really enjoy the work that you and others are doing at the PB site and I want you to know how much I appreciate the unique approach you have taken there (read: you keep it clean and sometimes the dialogue has me in stitches!). I also enjoy your openness with this blog. You come up with some very thought-provoking questions and the responses provide some very interesting reading. It is fun getting to know you and the others who post here. Keep up the great work!
Kim
P.S. can I please shout to Tony? HIYA TONY Long time no chat on AOL but you are still on my buddy list
July 12th, 2009 - 10:13 pm
Hi Pixie ~ First of all let me say I am THRILLED that you did not go 100% vanilla for tooooooo long! You are great at all of the aspects of it! As far as my giving up my spanko world; I gave it up in a relationship I was in but only the physical aspect of it, I continued to think about it, read about it and imagine it. Once that relationship ended (after 13 years and we are still best of friends and yes he knows about my OTK world) I vowed never to get into another vanilla relationship again. I am who I am and I like me so why deny me right?
I hope your aches and pains lessen with time and I think I speak for all of us when I say Keep Up The GREAT Work! Hugs
July 12th, 2009 - 10:20 pm
I’ve never actually gone totally vanilla but, due to an extremely intense work schedule, I was for many years unable to do much about giving my spanko side free rein. Early on in that period I actually tried to keep my kink as it was thought of from occupying any part of my thoughts. It also seemed a significant liability in making a lasting relationship. In time, when I could relax more and let myself think freely again, I recognized that although I enjoy a large number of varied vanilla interests, spanking was something that added a unique and positive dimension to my life and I decided to embrace it. At this juncture, though I may never find a life partner who will be a spanko too, I have no intention of again casting aside spanking even if it is something that must remain outside of the relationship.
July 13th, 2009 - 3:26 am
I’d like to be vanilla, but(t) mom says no.
July 13th, 2009 - 8:31 am
No, I never tried to shun my spanko side, I guess it was too much fun contemplating naughty bare bottomed young ladies instead of my Latin grammer (which explains my shakiness on the subject to this day. Oh well.)
But, having said that, I have never been that deeply into the scene, mainly because I have never had my own computer and sufficient income to pay various memberships. My online access was due to my Father’s computer which was used for business, so I was always afraid of being either discovered or responsible for some kind of virus so I steered around the edges and free tours to sate my interest.
Love the new blog pic, you look so sexy!!!!
July 13th, 2009 - 9:30 am
I’ve definitely gone through periods of not wanting to be a spanko. I think it’s similar to gay people who want to become straight. Being a spanko is an orientation that is hard, if not impossible, to change.
BTW, the phrase “taking a walk on the Appalachian Trail” came up in the recent sex scandal of South Carolina governor Mark Sanford. This is where he claimed to be when he was, in fact, with his mistress in Argentina.
July 13th, 2009 - 3:02 pm
Have you ever been a spanker?
July 13th, 2009 - 6:31 pm
Hi Pixie,
Funny you should ask, I was just thinking about this like two days ago
.
My story is similar to yours in many ways, but just a little bit different in the details. I’ve had this interest in spanking since I was very young too, I just didn’t realize it was actually an INTEREST IN SPANKING until I grew a little older. In fact, I had many other things going through my mind, so I didn’t really take time to ask myself why I had a weird feeling when I heard or saw words like “spanking” or “punishment” or references to them.
After some time, I realized that I liked the idea of playing spanking (which I got to play only once with a classmate, after school of course), especially of being spanked. I couldn’t explain why I liked spanking while hating pain, so I thought it was a weird thing that would just fade away as I grew up. But I didn’t actually do anything to reject it, on the contrary, sometimes I found myself daydreaming about spanking stories. That was the only thing I could do, since I was too afraid to share my interest with anyone (I thought it was a strange kink in the first place). Now, I did have the computer, but it never occured to me that I could find something in the Net or that there were others who had that very same interest.
Then it worried me that it didn’t seem to wane a bit, so I decided to get it completely out of my mind. It wasn’t even that hard, I just found myself other things to do and my vanilla life went on smoothly.
But then how is it that I’m writing this post in a spanking blog? Well, after quite a long time, a few years later, I accidentaly found a spanking video (I don’t even remember how), that made me realize that MAYBE there were others like me in the world after all. So I did some research, as I felt that my spanking interest had never gone away, it was just asleep burst out like never before.
I still don’t know how a person can hate pain and like spanking at same time, but I’ve come to think that it’s just something inside us, in the blood, the DNA or whatever.
July 13th, 2009 - 10:25 pm
Before I found out online that many nice “normal” people like you were into spanking, I felt my interest in it was bad for me. I thought I was weird and the only one. I tried to keep it off my mind. It worked… sorta.
Since finding the sites, blogs and PB, I am not able to stop thinking about it completely or stop going online to seek it out. I probably think of spanking at least once a day. I wondered if being simply an observer, reading and watching online, not participating, would be enough to “scratch the itch” so to speak. Part of me thinks it’s only proving to annoy me. There is too much spanko in me to avoid thinking about it or going online. So it’s good enough.
I think it’s very interesting that you tried to give it up. You are so into the scene now. It’s hard to completely avoid something you like so much though.
July 14th, 2009 - 4:06 am
Yes – I have tried over the years many times – for all sorts of reasons – but have always come back to the hankering. I now believe that it is is something inherent in one: not just a fad or an addiction. Smoking was an addiction, and that has been put to one side for many many years, though I know that if I were to smoke a few cigarettes I would be back on 30 a day tomorrow. But spanking is not like that: even if there is no practical expression the thought is constantly there – and cannot be permanently suppressed: in fact I am not sure how healthy suppression would really be anyway. It seems to be part of the givenness of one’s creation.
July 14th, 2009 - 7:36 pm
YES absolutely. The interest comes and goes….no doubt about it.
In fact, when I first started my blog 2 years ago, after a few days I deleted it, as I felt somewhat embarrased and silly of the notion of creating a blog about (gasp!) this spanking kink! A few days later, I started the blog over again.
There’s been several times when I threw in the trash my small spanko erotica collection, only to regret that move a few months later.
But most of us perhaps are hard-wired. Born with it. We are who we are. That doesn’t make it any easier, but better to *try* to embrace it….
July 14th, 2009 - 8:54 pm
Jack – I wish you much luck in your search for a local play partner. And thank you, I’m glad you enjoy my blog.
dani – That’s a very good trait that you have developed in becoming more compassionate and understanding as others as you’d hope they would be towards you. I think a lot has to do with you being very sweet and caring to begin with as well.
crystal – I hope that you have had many more up times than down and that you are happy in the lifestyle you are living now. It can be incredibly hard to change the way you have felt for years or even a lifetime.
Matt – Yep. And then when you come back, you may end up regretting all the files, connections, and opportunities that were lost along the way.
CurtisG – It can be a very tough thing to bring up to others who may be judgmental or simply can’t comprehend the desire. I’m sorry that you had such a tough time in your marriage. I hope that you are able to find complete compatibility within the relationships you have now.
Annapurna – I agree that self-acceptance can do a world of good. Being ok with the desire can make it less overwhelming and imposing. It’s a lot easier to say than do, I know, but I hope that we can all take some comfort in knowing that we are hardly alone in our interest and that while we may choose to keep it private, there isn’t something terribly shameful about a consensual act you enjoy.
will – I’m sorry to hear about how much emotional pain you’ve endured in relation to your interest in spanking and that you feel it is limiting and imprisoning you. You mentioned that the spanking world is all that you have now. Can you balance it a bit with the other hobbies you metioned like cycling or photography and still have the relative comfort of the spanking world?
Linde – I’m so happy to hear that you were able to get to a point where you were able to like who you are and not feel the need to change. From corresponding with you a bit, I know what an important role spanking has played in your life and it’s great that it has given you some hope, happiness, and new friendships.
mary – Thank you! It is a terrible feeling when you believe you are the only one that is different from the rest of the world. I’m glad you finally found that you are far from alone that one fateful day you did an internet search.
Isolde – There will always be those that don’t get it and never will. As for the Dominatrix Barbies, that doesn’t sound like something to get in an uproar about. I certainly would not want to have someone go through all of my belongings and put them all out on exhibit for judgement, but then I doubt that my vanilla neighbors next door (or Ms Orth for that matter) would want that either.
Laurent – Yes, I remember when that happened. I hope that you are having a better time now and that you will continue to enjoy the world of spanking. I’m very thankful that you are back and that you did not permanently delete your blog as that would have been a terrible loss.
dana – I’m happy to hear that you have spent most of your life being ok with your interest and have been fulfilled most of the time. I hope you continue to enjoy the thoughts and perhaps more experiences in the future.
Schwarz – I say we are normal. Maybe it’s those that don’t enjoy spanking that aren’t!
funbun – It must be wonderful to have your talents as an artist to use to help process your thoughts and dreams. And I’m very glad you so kindly share your art then with other spankos!!
justme – I’m glad that you now accept it and can allow yourself to enjoy it. There is an awful lot of spanking references in the “vanilla” world as you mentioned. I don’t think we are really all that “out there”.
tim – That’s great that you have never tried to shy away from your interest. Charlie and Sarah were great. Lots more big spanks coming!
Jenni – I thank God for the internet too. I can’t imagine how isolated we might feel otherwise.
Lorraine – That is a good way of looking at it and I’m glad you never felt any nagging guilt.
TigerLily – I used to worry that others could read my spanking thoughts when I was a little kid. I still have that passing worry today that maybe someone will be able to interpret my blush or body language when the subject of spanking comes up. I totally accept my interest as a part of me, but I still don’t want just anyone knowing.
Dr. Ken – If you have to have a bug, let it be a spanking one. And see the good doctor as necessary.
Poppa Mark – Oh no! Sorry that your wife has such firmly opposing views on spanking. I’m glad that you are still able to be such a vibrant part of the spanking community though.
mitch – Glad you decided to come back and are planning on staying!! You’d be greatly missed if you left.
Tony – Well, I’m very glad you’re a part of the family.
Gord – Sometimes it can be hard to understand our interest as it can be so contradictory as you mentioned with the desire to spank but not hurt. It can be even harder then to explain it to others. But I’m glad that you have reached the point that you are comfortable with what you feel and desire.
allie – Again, thank goodness for the internet making it possible for us to feel safe in exploring the world of spanking and meeting so many others that share the desire with us. What a shame though that you lost a one of a kind item like the signed school paddle. I hope you never endure another cleaning out phase again.
Kim – Thank you! I’m glad that PB is able to offer you the style of content you are looking for and that you also like my blog. I greatly enjoy both filming and blogging as it not only helps to scratch my spanking itch, but it has allowed me to connect to so many others that share the interest.
Sassy – I’m very glad I didn’t succeed in going 100% vanill too. I wonder how different (and more boring) my life would be. I’m happy that you didn’t go vanilla either and that you’re staying true to your spanko self!
^Mike – I for one am very happy that you have chosen to embrace your love of spanking. It actually sounds like you have a much healthier balance now than you did years ago.
jan – No vanilla for you!
D – I think you can be pretty deep into the scene and not be a site member. Lots of free and even offline ways to try to satisfy that desire. As for Latin vs spanking, yeah, I’d say spanking wins every time.
Southern Expat – I think it has to be impossible to truly change. You can strongly deny it, but can you really make yourself change that completely?
Chrissy – Isn’t it funny how it all comes tumbling back once you were reminded? I can’t quite figure out the love-hate feelings either. Sometimes when I’m getting spanked I question why it is that I am doing it when the pain is so unpleasant. And then soon after the spanking is over, I’m grinning and want to play again.
2Good – Sorry that being an observer only is annoying at times. I hope that you may get a true itch scratching spanking in r/l though one day. I know that little halo of yours is propped up by horns.
Winchester – Thank goodness spanking is far healthier than smoking. This kind of smoking butt is doctor recommended.
Dave – While I’m sorry that you have had to deal with the mixed emotions about spanking too, I’m glad that you came to the point of deleting your blog only a couple of days after its creation. It would be awful if we lost what you have created by now!
July 16th, 2009 - 5:42 pm
i had accepted my spanking desire mostly i don’t care what people say or would say if they do find out it just there opinin not mind and what they say not going to change how i feel about it
to me if you were talking to somebody and tell them they need a good spanking or you going spank them i doubt they would know you are into it yaself and have the urge to spank them or get spanked by them
i alway figure if i someday made somebody mostly a female mad i may tell her i desver to be spank or need a spanking then see what she say about it my behavior and what i did to see if she would do it or not. if she say no iam not going spank you. i would just think ok she not into that stuff and not intrested in spanking
July 16th, 2009 - 5:47 pm
Pixie,
I actually rather enjoy being “weird.” I’m finally done with school, horribly in debt, and looking for that boring, Dear God is it five-o-clock yet? occupation to pay the bills, but so long as my love of spanking and/or bdsm place me out of the ordinary, it leaves me feeling… well, original.
It’s like… no matter what happens, I can always have spanking/ bdsm sites and blogs (like yours) to help me feel less just like a cog in the machine and more like an individual.
July 17th, 2009 - 12:52 pm
My interest in a girl’s soft white asscheeks goes back a long way, and I never once questioned it. In fact I wondered (albeit privately) who else among my playmates shared my passion for a bright red bottom. I never thought I was wierd, just a bit off-center perhaps. Besides, I figured, I was “wired” this way at the factory, so why fight it? Not that I ever did fight it. My passion just grew stronger as the years passed, and now I can’t think of having sex without first reddening her bottom.