I’ve told my own mother, and my best friend. My mom is one of those really cool “Do what you want” kind of moms. And my friend A was just like “Whatever dude, just be careful.” I’d never tell my dad, he’s so old fashioned and totally vanilla that it’d about kill him to know his only girl is a spanko lol.

Johnboy – You are not a coward! As I said, I am choosey about who I care to share with. My family and the majority of my friends fall into the category of people I would never come out to.

Hermione – Thank goodness for the blogosphere that we have a place to share our thoughts and experiences with each other – and so that we can read your wonderful blog!

Ddon – I’m very glad to hear that you are becoming ever more comfortable with yourself and your interest.

Alexandrea – That’s wonderful that your best friend is so understanding and supportive! I can truly imagine how nervous you must have been in being caught at first, but I’m glad that it all turned out for the best.

Dana – Sharing within a relationship is still very daunting, perhaps more so since you worry about possibly losing what you’ve built by revealing your interest and your desire to spank your partner.

Ed – And once again I’ll say Ed, I’m not sure why you predict such doom and gloom for me. I can appreciate if you are trying to express care and wish me well, but repeatedly saying you foresee disaster in my future without explanation is becoming irritating. If there is some sort of concern you’d like to express, please feel free to email me. I don’t believe that my interest in spanking is a cover for anything deep and dark. It is simply an independent, often enjoyable passion that has been with me for as long as I can remember. I wish you well in sorting out your own struggles and I hope you can see a bright future for yourself.

Alan – Thanks Mr. Boatsman! Or is that Yachtsman ….

Funbun – Taking a light, joking approach is a great way to test the waters! You may be able to get an idea from the way the other person reacts if you might share a similar interest. A delicate blush, a shy look, or maybe some joking back could lead to more open discussions down the road.

Annapurna – I understand your point of concern in not sharing with others out of fear that they may then turn around and keep sharing your interests with even more people. That is a very valid worry.

As for your other comment that was posted later on, yes I did cut at one time. I no longer struggle with the issue now. It has been 6 years since I last self-injured.

Someone wrote to me in email to say that I was very brave to admit to the problem publicly. I don’t consider myself to be particularly brave, just open and honest. I am neither proud nor ashamed of my past struggles. And while regrettably I have some scars from my difficult times, I am happy to say that I am doing exceedingly well and don’t even give cutting a passing thought these days.

Like nearly any topic I might mention on my blog, I know that I’m far from the only one to experience similar incidents. And so if someone can relate to something I’ve said and perhaps feel a little less alone, that makes me quite happy.

Tom – Have you tried posing ads on other sites or considered attending a party/gathering where you can get to chat to others face-to-face?

Linde – Thank YOU Linde! The replies and conversations (either via comment or email) I’ve had or have read here continue to inspire me to keep up with my blog. The sense of community and interaction is greatly inspiring.

Good point that we need to try to be as understanding of others’ fetishes if we’d like them to accept our own. I’m happy to hear that your experiences in sharing with vanillas were both positive and that’s great that with one you not only found understanding, but were able to be a safety for each other.

Lindsay – You make wonderful analogies!!

Chica – If ever you choose to tell your friend, I hope that it goes smoothly. The unpredictability can be daunting.

Prefectdt – Darn. Wish they would have picked up on your hints. Certainly would make it easier that way.

Sir funkytown – Thankfully my friends have been equally understanding of my career as well; perhaps because they knew of my interest in spanking already and felt comfortable with the subject by then. How cool that you can share openly with your bandmates and isn’t it neat to discover what kinks they may have of their own!

karaJ – Shoot. That’s definitely not the reaction you hope to get. You never know what might be a delicate subject. I hope that you didn’t feel too badly about it as there clearly was no malice.

Dani – I’d say the majority of us are hesitant about sharing sides of ourselves that may not be readily accepted by others. You’re far from alone in that.

Tim – It probably is easier to chat with fellow spankos about spanking, particularly the specific details of the interest. But I have to say I’m happier to have a few people close to me that I can talk to about just about anything even though they are vanilla.

Ray – Ohhhh. Intriguing!

Schwarz – What a great brother you have. So happy to hear that what could have been a very awkward situation turned out to be all for the best. I’m very sorry to hear that you had such a difficult time in school though. I hope that you continue to put distance between yourself and those dark times.

Smiling Devil – Hard to say when it might be appropriate. When I told my friends about it, it was because I felt it was necessary to have a safety (or two) and so that I wouldn’t have to lie about where I was going to be. And when I told my now husband, I did so on our second date, again because I didn’t want to lie. But yet I fib regularly to family and other friends so it’s clearly not all determined by an honesty complex alone. Every situation and every relationship or friendship is different so I’d have to say it all depends. Sorry to be so vague!

If there is such a thing as kink-dar, I don’t have it. I never would have guessed half of the spankos I’ve met were kinky. Then again, I have serious doubts that anyone would ever guess that I was into it if they were to meet me in a strictly vanilla setting.

Butterflyz – I hope you’re right about spanking becoming more acceptable and mainstream. And isn’t it fun to catch an unexpected reference to or act of spanking in a show? When I witness one, I often try to casually look around to see if anyone else was as intrigued as I am.

D – Yes, I am! Glad you are very lucky as well.

^Mike – I’m on pins and needles along with you in wondering what her reaction might be. I hope you’ll let me know how that goes. I have my fingers crossed for you.

2Good – The only one I’ve ever wondered about was that girl that I knew in the fourth grade. Aside from that, I either haven’t run into any hidden spankos or it’s true that my kink-dar is way off. I hope that someone who never mentions spanking and never reacts to conversation is a likely suspect because that’s how I am when the topic comes up when I’m around people that I am not out to. I clam up and pray for the conversation to move along to other matters.

Kes – So sorry that you’ve been made to feel so guilty and that you also are reminded of the awkward situation every time you log on. I hope you can take some comfort in knowing that you certainly aren’t alone in your interest and that you aren’t psychologically disturbed for enjoying spanking.

Dr. Ken – It can certainly be a scary thing to reveal something so personal about yourself that could easily be judged.

Winchester – I often think how grateful I am to the internet for allowing us to come together.

Cj1 – I’d recommend joining some of the great spanking forums like HappyTails, World Spanking Forum, or SIN to meet others that share your interest. You may also want to consider placing/answering a spanking personal ad or attending a spanking party to meet face-to-face with other spankos near you.

Tim – Glad you are enjoying the Pixie’s Pranks update. I sure hope Paul likes it! The copyright date is correct. I filmed this scene with Clare Fonda back in October of 2007. It has been available for some time now on DVD, but just posted it to the members’ section.

Mike – That’s a tough one. I think it can be a daunting enough task to approach a vanilla friend and explain your interest, but if it’s not one that they share as well, they may not take readily to the idea of giving a spanking. I’d say go VERY slowly and see how they react to your interest alone first before suggesting they try giving you one. It may be easier to try to connect with a woman that is a spanko herself and is already comfortable in the role of a spanker.

i had told few female about or about wanted to be spanked or a spanking from them but they not friend not one of them seem to be intrested in doing it few of them told me no they don’t do that stuff or that type of person.

so i am hoping to one day get a female to spank me or work up courage to ask a vanilla friend i may have to explain why i want to be spanked.

does anybody have any advice to give a female or somebody when they ask why they should do it or i want them to do (that certain female i ask? l

lot of time female i ask or want them too i have no idea why i am asking them or think they would spank me so i want something to say to them

Dr. Ken

That’s a tough question to answer

Maybe everyone expresses it differently- and some may be more comfortable being casual with it. My experience tells me that most aren’t- which is why we blog and chat here.

Personally I am the same way- I rarely mention anything spanking related and when others bring up the spanking issues/debates I try not to get involved.