Ever tell a vanilla friend about your interest in spanking? Sure, it’s not everyone’s business what kinky habits you choose to practice, but sometimes you may want to confide in a friend so you don’t have to keep secrets, because you think they might like it too (but oops, they didn’t), or simply because you a had a few too many beers and got a little loose lipped.
In any case, it can be tough to explain the appeal and all of the dynamics of the spanking scene to someone who isn’t into it themselves. Heck, I think a lot of us spankos still struggle with explaining it to ourselves!
I came out to two of my closest vanilla friends several years back. I was only beginning to discover the world of adult spanking at the time and while I had made a few good spanko friends online, I felt I needed to have someone local that I could trust to be my safety when I met a new spanking partner for some real life play. At that point I had played twice without a safety – the first time went exceptionally well (courtesy of one Richard Windsor) and the second time went horribly wrong (courtesy of some total creep). I didn’t want the latter to occur ever again.
Before my next spanking meet up, I told my friends, K and M, about my long held secret. I felt that it was particularly important to tell them this time as I was traveling out of state and would be gone for a few days. I wanted to make sure that someone knew where I was in case anything should go wrong (you know, like getting chopped up and left in the cornfields).
My friends’ reactions were very different. As I recall, M was pretty relaxed about the whole thing. While she voiced some maternal style concern over my travel plans, she was very open-minded to the idea of spanking even though it was not something that particularly interested her. I remember K’s reaction more clearly. She had immediate concerns, not only for my safety when meeting up with a stranger far from home as well as while submitting to discipline, but she questioned my intentions. What was I thinking? Why would I want this? Was I doing this as a way of intentionally harming myself?
I have struggled in the past with self-injuring and so it was quite reasonable to wonder if I was simply finding a way of getting someone else to hurt me for me. That’s when it got tricky. I had to try to assure her that it was not my intent at all and that it was something I had craved for a long time and could actually be fun. Getting hit repeatedly until sore, red, and possibly bruised didn’t sound like much fun to her and if I think about it from a total vanilla’s perspective, it sure does sound more like setting myself up to get hurt than something enjoyable. I fumbled to find words to explain something that I didn’t understand very well myself.
I felt I had created a bit of distance between us when we parted ways that day. K was upset and concerned, and in all honesty, I was too plus I felt terribly guilty. K is an amazing friend though and did some online research about the spanking community when she got home. She was reassured by the friendliness and normalcy she found on the various forums. She also found accounts of others’ experiences that did a far better job of explaining the desire than I did in rambling to her that afternoon.
In the end, K and M were both cautiously supportive. They wished me well but reserved the right to be concerned for my well-being. Exactly what I was looking for in a safety.
By now, K and M are fairly comfortable with my interest in spanking. I can chat with them about my work at PB or other things that are going on in my little world of spanking, though I choose not to go into any great detail about my actual spankings unless I’m asked (I don’t want to make them uncomfortable). They’ll playfully tease me about my passion and the fact that my husband spanks me, and while I’ll blush madly, it’s all in good fun.
But even though I really lucked out and have two great friends who are incredibly understanding, I don’t share my secret with all of my vanilla acquaintances. I’m not sure how many would be so accepting and I’d rather not tempt fate.
Have you ever confided in a vanilla friend or if not, considered doing so? How would you explain your interest?
June 6th, 2009 - 11:28 am
Amazing picture, the illusion of corn field dismemberment is perfect. That’s how CSI should work.
I’ve told a few male friends about my particular preference, but maybe it’s different for guys in that they don’t really care, as long as I’m not a batterer. The one female friend I told turned out to be into it, so that probably shouldn’t count.
June 6th, 2009 - 11:36 am
As always Pixie you do raise some very good questions.
To be honest i must admit to being a bit of a coward ref my spanking interest as i have never had the courage to bring the subject up with my friends or family as i just dont think they would understand.
You are very fortunate to have such true understanding friends.
June 6th, 2009 - 12:05 pm
I haven’t had a very close friend who I can confide in for many years now. That friend and I shared all our vanilla sexual thoughts and experiences, but even then, I never told her about my love of spanking. I do have a good friend who has moved away, and it would be easy to tell her all about my blog, or my preferences, in an email. But she made it clear early on that our friendship would be on superficial level, with no exchange of secrets, no complaining about husbands, and no sexual talk at all.
I know Ron prefers that I not share our lifestyle with anyone, and I’m comfortable with that. I have plenty of like-minded acquaintances in the blogosphere.
Hugs,
Hermione
June 6th, 2009 - 1:59 pm
punkin,
4 me a tough 1.
when i was running with the F&SF crowd i let 2 friends know of my proclivity’ , in confidence, i thot. imagine my supprise when steve king made a crack about spanking looking right at me. in 1980 the rest of the world thot u were pretty perverted if ur interest was in spanking.
rah was a pure spanko but the F&SF commnity probably still doesn’t acknowledge the existance of ur community much less rah’s interest.
try telling ur english prof. that kap was a spanko. or ur librarian that frank yerby & jessamyn west were also.
there is abuntant evidence that ur interest goes back to the dawn of history. frescos on the walls of pompiie show girls whipping girls in sacred ceremonies. yet we r scorned.
the urge may b there but burried very deep. so then the girl goes 1 toke/ drink over the line & it’s “don’t u want 2 spank me?” & the next day super guilt, cause it just has 2 b dirty. none of my other friends do it.
now we know that some of those friends were doing it but wouldn’t admit it.
it’s getting 2 the point where i just don’t give a spit who knows. i’m 67 yrs old & i’ve done what i’ve done. if u don’t like it lump it.
punkin u’ll never know how much u & rw have done 4 me in the last 2 months 2 make me feel more comfortable with myself.
thanx so much
ddon
June 6th, 2009 - 2:28 pm
Hey Pixie-
Another great topic as always! I have let the cat out of the bag a couple of times, once when I had a little too much to drink and let it slip to my sister in law. Surprisingly she took it well, always thought her brother and me were a little kinky and all. Not to mention that he is a total dominate and I am happy being submissive to him.
I also have a best friend who is totally vanilla, I have known her for 26 years now. Of course she got into a ton of trouble with me as we grew up, her mother still thinks I am a bad influence on her daughter. You would think after all this time she would forgive me for being a bit reckless and totally out of control in my youth, but no. It was last year that my friend learned my longest and darkest kept secret, although she had some suspicion about me. She came across me checking out some marks I had on my butt from a previous discipline spanking I recieved from my hubby the day before she arrived. That was when I dove off the edge and told her everything. She was very supportive of my kink as she called it and said that now so much of my past behavior makes sense. I even let her in on my search for a female spanking partner.
It was a load off of my shoulders to be able to not have to hide that part of me from her any more, but still I find that somethings are better kept in the closet when around close minded people.
Alexandrea
June 6th, 2009 - 3:21 pm
I’ve never needed or had a reason to tell anyone I didn’t become involved with as a spanking partner. That wasn’t easy to bring up the subject the first time. I’m not in the business in any way, and have never played outside a relationship. I don’t think I’d ever bring it up with someone I knew wasn’t into it. Much too awkward, and nothing to be gained by it.
June 6th, 2009 - 4:07 pm
This will be short as there are to many ears and eyes around. I have believed for sometime that our spanking interest is a cover for deeper problems. I know mine is but dont know what. Thats why sometime ago I left a comment saying I could see trouble down the road for you if things go bad. Than I dont have any friends that I could tell anyway. Have to go . Pixie and every one have a good day Bye Bye Ed
June 6th, 2009 - 5:51 pm
Interesting comment by the previous poster…. I’ve believed for some time that leaving snarky comments on the blogs of wonderful people is a cover for deeper problems.
-Alan
June 6th, 2009 - 7:24 pm
4 ed
it’s clear u have problems beyond that which most of us have.
pixie has my email adress & my permission 2 give it out.
please don’t keep ur doubts/feelings bottled up.
i’m a straght male 67 yrs old with time 2 think. i doubt if anything bothering u is something i haven’t heard of. all i can offer is support. i’m sure everyone in this community feels the same.
ur not alone & u shouldn’t b afraid.
please get in touch.
best of luck 2 u
ddon
June 6th, 2009 - 7:27 pm
I never choose to tell, but sometimes it happened incidently. Always in an airy tone.. Jokingly.. Never serious.
Well in my fifties, a male friend (a real artist) visited us in New Zealand and I had told him that I liked to draw. He wanted to see what I did and -still don’t know why- I showed him a few of my b&w spanking drawings.
He was full of compliments (no bragging) and said that I should take classes to improve on my “talent”. I told him I didn’t dare to go to a teacher to ask to teach me how to draw spanking scenes and we engaged in a very long talk.
He is an old friend and we talked about feelings, how to express ourselves, likings and dislikings, women, sex and all. He had a kink himself he said, getting totally excited whilst seeing a woman walking on red high heels. So, the ice was broken and since he is the only one I can openly talk with about my spanking feelings.
Funny incident.. He ‘tested’ spanking out on one of his (many) females friends and it ended in disaster as she was furious that he took her over his knee for a playful spanking on her bare bum.
He asked me how I managed to spank women without having this kind of reaction. The women even LIKING the spankings… I couldn’t really answer him. Mumbled something like “Finding people in ‘same interest’ groups on the Internet and making it happen.”
To my amazement he answered: “Well it sounds similar as with artists. A lot of women feel attracted to artists. I need not to do anything, but they just come. That’s probably how it goes with you as well…”
I still don’t know if that’s true, but never forget his words.
Is it true that “like” attracts “like”?
June 6th, 2009 - 8:04 pm
Hi Pixie!
If it’s okay with you, I will leave two comments this time. I’m cleaning the house and working on chess problems during my breaks so I don’t have a lot of time for a lengthy response.
To answer your question with a single word, “Never!” Even when two of my male companions brought up their interest in the practice, I listened carefully and respectfully to their desires without comment.
I don’t personally know a single individual, other than my wife, who can keep a secret so my hidden predilection could become public with potentially ruinous results. On the other hand if you were to tell me a personal aspect of yourself and then requested that I keep it a secrete, I would go to the grave with it; I wouldn’t even tell my wife.
My other comments have more to do with a few details you mentioned about yourself rather than my willingness to discuss spanking with vanillas who really cannot fully understand our inner cravings even though they may try hard to do so.
June 6th, 2009 - 8:54 pm
That is a very touchy subject. I would love to tell someone, but I do not have the nerve. I do have a personal ad on the Scarlethill web site. A lot of ladies write but they do not come forward. I guess my age (64) scares them off.
June 6th, 2009 - 10:20 pm
Pixie,
First I’d like to state the obvious. You are simply an amazing person!! You have, by far, the most interesting and personal blog on the subject that anyone would ever want. You share more of your personal life and feelings than ANY other person I have had the pleasure of corresponding with. Thank you for doing what you do and for … sharing!!
As for the topic (lol) I’ll write more after I can get time to compose my thoughts because I’m really interested but have several pressing matters to finish!!
Linde
June 6th, 2009 - 10:31 pm
When I’ve explained it to people, it usually goes along these lines:
Some people like cold weather, others like heat. Some people like spicy food, others don’t. Some people like gentle touch, others like to be spanked. There’s nothing “wrong” with a person who likes to be spanked any more than there’s something wrong with a person who likes spicy food, because it’s just a matter of how the brain is responding to the messages it’s being sent by the nerves in the body. Some perceive spanking as painful and disagreeable, others as pleasurable and desirable. Who is anybody to judge what a “normal” response is?
More than once I’ve also pointed out that some women love having their nipples pinched or twisted quite hard – which is fundamentally the same thing, the infliction of pain for pleasure. Yet nobody bats an eyelid at that.
What friends should be worrying themselves about is not the physical activity itself, but rather the environment in which it’s being done; is it consensual? Are all parties actively ensuring the safety and well-being of each other? Does everyone involved ultimately end up happy and satisfied? … and these are questions that should apply to all activities, not just spanking
June 7th, 2009 - 4:01 am
Hi Pixie,
I have never shared this part of my life with anyone. I wouldn’t even know where to begin, lol.
There is a friend that I would like to tell, but I haven’t because I don’t know how she’ll react. I just don’t think that people who don’t feel the same as we do can understand. Maybe one day I’ll get up enough nerve!
Chica
June 7th, 2009 - 5:36 am
I’ve been trying to come out to all my vanilla friends for about eight years now, I just hate the feeling that I am lying to them all. The problem is that I do not want them to think that I am imposing my life style on them, I just want them to know that is something I do, with other consenting adults, that is not going to bother them.
I have taken the line of trying to steer any conversation that is appropriate towards spanking and kink, hoping that one day one of them would ask me if it something that I am serious about. It has not worked, they just seem to think that it is something I like to joke about.
Prefectdt
June 7th, 2009 - 7:10 am
I would think that telling your vanilla friends about your career in the adult entertainment industry would be more worrying. Spanking seems pretty mainstream now a days. I’ve truly never had a GF that was hostile to the idea. I could usually get them to participate willingly as long as I was respectful of their boundaries and indulged their weirdness as well ( hello priest outfit!) Some were just being accommodating , and some really enjoyed it. I truly believe that everyone is a LOT kinkier than we give them credit for. I am a professional musician. All the members of all the bands i am in ( musicians spend a lot of time in vans and airports talking) know that spanking is one of the things i like…..it has never been a contentious issue….even with the girls. A few have even told me of their bondage kink….one drummer ( a total sweetheart of a guy!) in particular, is into stuff that I have to admit shocks me a little. I general, if it comes up in conversation, I never lie. I try not to be explicit with the details, but I don’t make up any stories.
June 7th, 2009 - 7:13 am
love your blog by the way. It’s great to read about kink in a voice that seems articulate and guilt free.
June 7th, 2009 - 7:59 am
I once thought I’d be clever & broach the subject with a good friend, [You keep stealing my lipstick you'll get a spanking! ha ha]. She became quite agitated, seems her mother spanked her & quite abusively. I shut my fat trap tight away. People haul their own bags around all the time. I’ll just keep mine locked.
June 7th, 2009 - 8:22 am
Pixie,
This post really opens my eyes to the way things really are in the world of kink…
You see, I often forget (for some reason?) that others can feel shy about telling someone about their own special ways. I feel that everyone is completely self-accepting, and I’m the only one who isn’t.
Thanks for this very comforting message. I probably tend to relate more to the subtle and emotional side of things than the overt of whatever the topic is.
But again, we are all just different. Since I started knowing you (and you know me better than anyone), I feel like a much better person.
I really like myself more, and I wanted to tell you thank you!
June 7th, 2009 - 9:23 am
pixie interesting subject yes it is a problem it is good to speak to friends like you who are fellow spankos easier to talk about it that way love and spanks tim xxxx
June 7th, 2009 - 9:23 am
I’m back!! Sorry I didn’t post this above on my first post. (Spank me..lol) This is a topic that everyone ponders at some point. I have learned that not everyone NEEDS to know about my special desires (what they might consider ..KINKS) I have shared my interest in spanking with a couple of VANILLA friends, but have also found out that others weren’t as VANILLA as I had thought. Their interests have not always been spanking though and I had to realize that I needed to be as accepting of their interests such as enemas, foot fetishes, bondage, cutting, etc. I also have more than one (kink?) myself but since this is a SPANKING blog topic that is all I’ll post about.
I usually approach the topic from a third party point of view. I read about … I have a friend who…. I saw a movie that …. Or I might pick up a hairbrush in a store and say something like, “This is just like the one my Mom used to spank me with” Depending on the reaction from them I can usually tell whether to drop the topic or delve deeper. Or I can tell them I have a signed copy of Anne Rice’s “The claiming of Sleeping Beauty”. If they never read it or heard of it then they quickly forget and we move on. If they have thier OWN copy or possibly a simular hairbrush at home (lol) then they are no longer Vanilla and the interest changes to whether I’m looking for a partner or want to just share experiences with a friend.
The two vanilla friends I shared with turned out to be positive experiences. One of them knew I was an (ex) exotic dancer who showed interest in the “dancer lifestyle” and seemed honest enough to persuade me to share. She said she had no interests in being spanked or any other “kink” but she did show an interest in my dancing and may very well be a closet spanko although I haven’t seen her in years.
The second friend was an exotic dancer who had no interest in (spanking) pain whatsoever but she knew of my enjoyment of “birthday spankings” at the club and we roomed together for a while in college. She had her own “kinks” but was not into giving or recieving spankings, so for this pupose we will call her vanilla. She and I were very close and she was a “safety” when I needed one. I also made sure SHE was safe from herself, but that is her story to tell.
Again, I’d like to thank all the people who post here for sharing and for Pixie in making us all feel comfortable with who we are. This is so much more than just a blog about our favorite “spankee”.
Spanks a lot,
Linde
June 7th, 2009 - 10:19 am
Pixie,
Maybe we’re the vanilla ones after all….8-)
Ray
June 7th, 2009 - 2:55 pm
Pixie to you and your readers if I hurt or offended any one Im sorry. This is my first blub and any comments from now on will be positive or not at all. Again to you and your readers Im sorry . Hope you all have a good day as I have screwed mine up. Again Im sorry Bye Bye Ed
June 7th, 2009 - 5:10 pm
4 ed
hurt & offend…who & how?? [sounds like a law firm--findem -fleecem - skinnum & scat].
u have friends here. ivory towers went out in 1953 with cathy carr.
don’t sit there festering untill u explode. cumon in. the waters fine.
i can’t speak 4 everyone but u certainly haven’t offended me.
u might tho if u don’t reach out 2 someone.
noone should hurt that bad.
best 2 u
ddon
June 7th, 2009 - 11:19 pm
Originally I had decided that I would never tell anyone, because A) I don’t have any close friends and B) My family is, for the most part, the type of family that believes kissing before marriage is wrong. Seriously…they believe that.
However, despite this, for some reason that I cannot remember now, I was watching spanking videos on my brother’s computer and I must have forgotten to close the folder or something…anyway he found out about it. Now for the record he is no minor, so no kids saw it.
Anyways he didn’t say anything for a while and then one day he and I had one of our great brother to brother talks and he mentioned that he knew about my interests and how he found out. Though I have the best brother in the world and while he cannot get it or understand spanking at all he doesn’t think less of me because of it. Like I said, he can’t see why a person would want to spank for fun or vise versa but he didn’t say I am wrong for it or judge me, which was just great. I mean there are things that I know he likes and I don’t understand either(Ie driving), but we both see it as “so what if I don’t get what he is into, he is my brother.”
I know I am lucky to have a brother like that. In fact sibling rivalry is unheard of between us. Anyways, I don’t intend to ever tell anyone else, and I am never again watching videos on someone else’s computer since mine is upgraded enough now.
As far as a dark past and hurting yourself I can kind of relate. I had a sixth grade teacher that hated me so much that I attempted suicide just so I wouldn’t have to go back to school. However I am sure this has nothing to do with my spanking interest. To me the frequent thoughts(note that I am NEVER trying it again) and the subsequent depression are psychological disorders and spanking is just a fun interest and kink. There is a difference, and neither one has an affect on the other.
As far as how I would explain it…well I would write it all down and give the paper to someone I wanted to explain it to, because experience has taught me that I can not explain anything right when I am speaking. For example, I was speechless for a couple minutes (or so it seemed) while being interviewed for a job as a police officer. I couldn’t say anything because I just couldn’t find the words to ask, “Now we are to be expected to be on call while off duty, right?” It sounds crazy, but at the time I just couldn’t think of how to say that…end result I didn’t get the job. So yeah, I would definitely write it down, or send it via email or something in writing, I would never tell anyone else, if I told anyone at all about my spanking interest, in spoken word. I would write it all.
With that said, this was another great topic and best wishes from down south.
Drew Gray
June 8th, 2009 - 12:05 am
Any thoughts on when it is apropriate to share kinky identity with non-scene friends/family, and when it is inapropriate to do so?
Also, do you have a sense of kink-dar (like gay-dar) to predict who will be more accepting of knowing about a person’s kinky secret identity?
June 8th, 2009 - 12:37 am
I find what sir funkytown said interesting. These so called “vanilla” people may have a few chocolate chips themselves. For instance, I am a theater buff and very often people would engage in quick playful spanking or little swats here and there. Its also becoming much more mainstream…I saw Hair on Broadway this weekend and if you know anything about the show its all about “free love” and so many characters act out sexual behaviors. I saw a few characters acting out play spankings as well as some choreographic spanks.
To further emphasize the point I just got finished watching the Tony Awards. They performed a scene from Guys and Dolls. At the end of the song one of the characters begins spanking herself and screaming, ” I’m a bad girl such a bad girl”. NOw I grew up on this show and that is not in the original script!
I think spanking is coming out a bit and though I still understand not wanting to be open with friends and family, I do think it is becoming more acceptable.
I personally have only told one close friend who was very nice and accepting and a few BF who didn’t care much because its my experience that most men are pretty much up for anything-haha.
Peace OUt!
June 8th, 2009 - 7:39 am
You are a very lucky girl!
I too am blessed with two good friends that I can confide in, I’ll call them J and M. We met at University and the two of them are now a couple. M has just got her PhD in Psychology, so can probably give long rambling clinical explanations for our penchant for paddled posteriors. And the two of them have had far wilder experiences than I, so it was easy enough to talk to them about my fetish. M was even my first spankee during a little summer time horseplay. It was over her clothes (despite my attempts to the contrary lol) and a good time was had by all.
Ah, the heady carefree days of summer…
June 8th, 2009 - 3:46 pm
As it so happens, this is a topic with which I am presently dealing. Normally I can continue alone on my own path for decades, and have, without ever giving anyone who knows me the slightest inkling what that path may be. I’m quite comfortable with my kinks and proclivities, and have neither guilt nor feelings of abnormality to confess to anyone. Occasionally though, someone who barely knows me, such as a coworker who wonders if I’m always as serious as a heart attack, will ask personal questions I feel are impertinent, such as what do I do for fun, to which I’ll off-handedly reply with something clearly intended not to be taken seriously: “Oh, human sacrifice,” or “writing porn.” Other times I’ll just give them a long measuring look then laugh in a low, ee-vil tone while shaking my head and saying, “No way you could handle that.” (Hmm, maybe all they expected to hear was that I liked to go fishing or watch bowling and golf on TV – sh-sh-shudder.)
But there are times when one cannot simply keep such things to themselves, as when beginning or deepening a relationship with someone who could turn out to be in it for the long haul. I’m not one for secrecy in marriage, and we’re both at an age where it is best to know early on whether something is merely a speedbump or an insurmountable barrier. Having already deflected her questions, while we were still colleagues but becoming close friends, by means of the above-described strategy, I decided recently to send her the link to a comment I left on a much more hardcore, but less spanking-specific, site to see how she reacts. However, as she’s currently living so far out in the wilderness of another state that phone and internet connections are spotty at best, I can’t yet tell whether it was too much heat too soon, or I’ve raised the temperature enough to warrant stirring the pot a little more.
June 8th, 2009 - 5:58 pm
Have you ever suspected that someone you know may be a spanko? I have. If someone jokes about spanking or mentions it more than once, my spanko radar is activated. That being said, I am a spanko and never ever mention spanking because #1. I’d turn beet red and #2. It’s a secretive thing within me. So is someone who never mentions spanking and never reacts to conversation about it someone you’d think was a possible spanko? One more than the other??
June 8th, 2009 - 7:53 pm
Hi Pixie!
In your post you mentioned that you struggled in the past with self-injury. What did you mean by that? Did you cut yourself? Do you struggle with this issue now?
June 8th, 2009 - 7:57 pm
I have always wanted to tell someone just so that I can confide in someone and have someone close to me understand me but there is no way that I will because about a year ago my mom found out what I was into, she basically said I was perverted and psychologically disturbed and that I needed some professional help if I even thought that spanking was ok. It really sucks because I’m living at home while I go to college and now every time I go on the computer she says “you better not be going on any sites you shouldn’t.”
June 9th, 2009 - 12:43 am
2Good- Interesting if one “spanko” rarely ever mentions spankings because of turning red or something then wouldn’t the others as well?
That’s a tough question to answer
Maybe everyone expresses it differently- and some may be more comfortable being casual with it. My experience tells me that most aren’t- which is why we blog and chat here.
Personally I am the same way- I rarely mention anything spanking related and when others bring up the spanking issues/debates I try not to get involved.
June 9th, 2009 - 3:30 am
Dear Pixie,
While at times I think it would be nice to have a vanilla friend to talk to and share with, the simple fact is that I don’t know how they would react to my “announcement”, so in the long run, it’s easier–and safer–to just keep it to myself.
Dr. Ken
June 9th, 2009 - 4:02 am
I would not willingly tell anyone, but I have one vanilla friend who found out by accident that I link into internet sites and who just says “it’s a strange sort of interest – ah well!”. The biggest surprise was when a relative discovered about self-spanking and took it totally calmly and said that there is plenty of precedent in the flagellantes of the middle ages and in some monastic instituions….
Neither has told anyone else – and it is far easier and safer (though sadly lonelier) to keep it to oneself…so thanks for the internet!
June 9th, 2009 - 5:27 pm
Hello, Iam cj1, living in Kansas City and I find myself interested in spanking. I would like to correspond with or meet young ladies in my area. I don’t know what it is about this that is so exciting.
June 10th, 2009 - 6:48 am
Pixie you got spanks for your pranks lol.very enjoyable vid. you look lovely in your jammies nice to see clare back on p.B. im sure paul will be very pleased with this,it said copyright 2007 on the title does that mean it was made then or is it a statement love and spanks from tim xxxx
June 10th, 2009 - 11:53 am
i had yet to tell a vanilla friend about my spankings intrested but i am not sure if i would tell one or not i may have to choose one to tell
i had told few female about or about wanted to be spanked or a spanking from them but they not friend not one of them seem to be intrested in doing it few of them told me no they don’t do that stuff or that type of person.
so i am hoping to one day get a female to spank me or work up courage to ask a vanilla friend i may have to explain why i want to be spanked.
does anybody have any advice to give a female or somebody when they ask why they should do it or i want them to do (that certain female i ask? l
lot of time female i ask or want them too i have no idea why i am asking them or think they would spank me so i want something to say to them
June 10th, 2009 - 8:50 pm
Pygmalion – I think telling your friend who turned out to be into it still kind of counts. Especially since it seems like you didn’t know she was into it at the time. You still had to take the risk of sharing your secret with her not knowing how she might react. And your concern of appearing to be a batterer is a common one I’ve heard expressed by tops. There are plenty of negative misconceptions that can be conjured for both spankers and spankees, unfortunately.
Johnboy – You are not a coward! As I said, I am choosey about who I care to share with. My family and the majority of my friends fall into the category of people I would never come out to.
Hermione – Thank goodness for the blogosphere that we have a place to share our thoughts and experiences with each other – and so that we can read your wonderful blog!
Ddon – I’m very glad to hear that you are becoming ever more comfortable with yourself and your interest.
Alexandrea – That’s wonderful that your best friend is so understanding and supportive! I can truly imagine how nervous you must have been in being caught at first, but I’m glad that it all turned out for the best.
Dana – Sharing within a relationship is still very daunting, perhaps more so since you worry about possibly losing what you’ve built by revealing your interest and your desire to spank your partner.
Ed – And once again I’ll say Ed, I’m not sure why you predict such doom and gloom for me. I can appreciate if you are trying to express care and wish me well, but repeatedly saying you foresee disaster in my future without explanation is becoming irritating. If there is some sort of concern you’d like to express, please feel free to email me. I don’t believe that my interest in spanking is a cover for anything deep and dark. It is simply an independent, often enjoyable passion that has been with me for as long as I can remember. I wish you well in sorting out your own struggles and I hope you can see a bright future for yourself.
Alan – Thanks Mr. Boatsman! Or is that Yachtsman ….
Funbun – Taking a light, joking approach is a great way to test the waters! You may be able to get an idea from the way the other person reacts if you might share a similar interest. A delicate blush, a shy look, or maybe some joking back could lead to more open discussions down the road.
Annapurna – I understand your point of concern in not sharing with others out of fear that they may then turn around and keep sharing your interests with even more people. That is a very valid worry.
As for your other comment that was posted later on, yes I did cut at one time. I no longer struggle with the issue now. It has been 6 years since I last self-injured.
Someone wrote to me in email to say that I was very brave to admit to the problem publicly. I don’t consider myself to be particularly brave, just open and honest. I am neither proud nor ashamed of my past struggles. And while regrettably I have some scars from my difficult times, I am happy to say that I am doing exceedingly well and don’t even give cutting a passing thought these days.
Like nearly any topic I might mention on my blog, I know that I’m far from the only one to experience similar incidents. And so if someone can relate to something I’ve said and perhaps feel a little less alone, that makes me quite happy.
Tom – Have you tried posing ads on other sites or considered attending a party/gathering where you can get to chat to others face-to-face?
Linde – Thank YOU Linde! The replies and conversations (either via comment or email) I’ve had or have read here continue to inspire me to keep up with my blog. The sense of community and interaction is greatly inspiring.
Good point that we need to try to be as understanding of others’ fetishes if we’d like them to accept our own. I’m happy to hear that your experiences in sharing with vanillas were both positive and that’s great that with one you not only found understanding, but were able to be a safety for each other.
Lindsay – You make wonderful analogies!!
Chica – If ever you choose to tell your friend, I hope that it goes smoothly. The unpredictability can be daunting.
Prefectdt – Darn. Wish they would have picked up on your hints. Certainly would make it easier that way.
Sir funkytown – Thankfully my friends have been equally understanding of my career as well; perhaps because they knew of my interest in spanking already and felt comfortable with the subject by then. How cool that you can share openly with your bandmates and isn’t it neat to discover what kinks they may have of their own!
karaJ – Shoot. That’s definitely not the reaction you hope to get. You never know what might be a delicate subject. I hope that you didn’t feel too badly about it as there clearly was no malice.
Dani – I’d say the majority of us are hesitant about sharing sides of ourselves that may not be readily accepted by others. You’re far from alone in that.
Tim – It probably is easier to chat with fellow spankos about spanking, particularly the specific details of the interest. But I have to say I’m happier to have a few people close to me that I can talk to about just about anything even though they are vanilla.
Ray – Ohhhh. Intriguing!
Schwarz – What a great brother you have. So happy to hear that what could have been a very awkward situation turned out to be all for the best. I’m very sorry to hear that you had such a difficult time in school though. I hope that you continue to put distance between yourself and those dark times.
Smiling Devil – Hard to say when it might be appropriate. When I told my friends about it, it was because I felt it was necessary to have a safety (or two) and so that I wouldn’t have to lie about where I was going to be. And when I told my now husband, I did so on our second date, again because I didn’t want to lie. But yet I fib regularly to family and other friends so it’s clearly not all determined by an honesty complex alone. Every situation and every relationship or friendship is different so I’d have to say it all depends. Sorry to be so vague!
If there is such a thing as kink-dar, I don’t have it.
I never would have guessed half of the spankos I’ve met were kinky. Then again, I have serious doubts that anyone would ever guess that I was into it if they were to meet me in a strictly vanilla setting.
Butterflyz – I hope you’re right about spanking becoming more acceptable and mainstream. And isn’t it fun to catch an unexpected reference to or act of spanking in a show? When I witness one, I often try to casually look around to see if anyone else was as intrigued as I am.
D – Yes, I am! Glad you are very lucky as well.
^Mike – I’m on pins and needles along with you in wondering what her reaction might be. I hope you’ll let me know how that goes. I have my fingers crossed for you.
2Good – The only one I’ve ever wondered about was that girl that I knew in the fourth grade. Aside from that, I either haven’t run into any hidden spankos or it’s true that my kink-dar is way off. I hope that someone who never mentions spanking and never reacts to conversation is a likely suspect because that’s how I am when the topic comes up when I’m around people that I am not out to. I clam up and pray for the conversation to move along to other matters.
Kes – So sorry that you’ve been made to feel so guilty and that you also are reminded of the awkward situation every time you log on. I hope you can take some comfort in knowing that you certainly aren’t alone in your interest and that you aren’t psychologically disturbed for enjoying spanking.
Dr. Ken – It can certainly be a scary thing to reveal something so personal about yourself that could easily be judged.
Winchester – I often think how grateful I am to the internet for allowing us to come together.
Cj1 – I’d recommend joining some of the great spanking forums like HappyTails, World Spanking Forum, or SIN to meet others that share your interest. You may also want to consider placing/answering a spanking personal ad or attending a spanking party to meet face-to-face with other spankos near you.
Tim – Glad you are enjoying the Pixie’s Pranks update. I sure hope Paul likes it! The copyright date is correct. I filmed this scene with Clare Fonda back in October of 2007. It has been available for some time now on DVD, but just posted it to the members’ section.
Mike – That’s a tough one. I think it can be a daunting enough task to approach a vanilla friend and explain your interest, but if it’s not one that they share as well, they may not take readily to the idea of giving a spanking. I’d say go VERY slowly and see how they react to your interest alone first before suggesting they try giving you one. It may be easier to try to connect with a woman that is a spanko herself and is already comfortable in the role of a spanker.
June 12th, 2009 - 7:47 am
Pixie glad to hear that your sadness has passed .what i meant was when we talk on your blog i like to think of you as a friend when we comment on spankings items .thanks for answering about the vid it is great love and spanks tim xxxx
June 18th, 2009 - 5:32 am
Thanks for the great topic Pixie!
I’ve told my own mother, and my best friend. My mom is one of those really cool “Do what you want” kind of moms. And my friend A was just like “Whatever dude, just be careful.” I’d never tell my dad, he’s so old fashioned and totally vanilla that it’d about kill him to know his only girl is a spanko lol.
June 22nd, 2009 - 5:07 pm
i feel the same way but i have not fond the courage to tell any body. And that has stopped me from dating because how do you ask a girl either i am turned on by spanking or can i spank you? i had one girl friend who really wanted to know what turned me on then she added it better not be spanking that is gross.