It’s so true. I’ve read comments before from those that do not like DD that such a relationship leaves all the responsibility on the spanker and the spankee doesn’t have to be responsible at all. But I think that if that were true (and in some cases it could lean that way) that it wouldn’t be effective nor last very long. If you’re doing the work to change and being honest about missteps and challenges, then I don’t think it’s a bad thing at all to ask for a little extra help and support from a willing partner in the form of discipline.

Tony – I don’t think I could tolerate having anyone truly in charge of me either. When it’s gotten too close to that point, that’s when I’ve balked and ended the disciplinary dynamic. A little extra help and guidance on a matter that I’m in line with is one thing, but I’m not very good about submissively taking orders.

MKB – Thank you. I know such discipline has at times helped me and many of my spanking friends that needed some firm guidance, but for others it simply isn’t what their looking for. Even within our group of spankos, there are lots of smaller subgroups which enjoy our common interest in many different ways.

Todd – Absolutely. Mistakes and missteps are to be expected, but purposely acting out or lying will destroy the disicplinary relationship (and pretty much the same goes for any other relationship) quickly. I also think that changing or getting better can be scary in itself, but you have to trust that it’s going to be even better on the other side – including plenty of spankings (just not for the same infractions) await if so desired.

dani – I’ve occasionally daydreamed of similar situations, but I know in real life I would soon chafe at the tight restrictions and rules. It is fun to imagine though or engage in for a short period of time in a role play situation. I just don’t think I could do it as a 24/7 lifestyle.

johndee – I never considered before how stress relieving giving a spanking could be!

tim – Thank you.

Scorpius – Excellent point. Even though it’s real life discipline, limits must still be adhered to or else there is going to be a breakdown in trust. It’s actually a pretty involved ordeal when you think about it. The spanker has to determine how strict to be, how firm to be with punishment, must listen to the spankee about limits, but not give in so much that the spankee feels like he or she can get away with misdeeds or doesn’t feel adequately punished. I give the effective disciplinarians a lot of credit for knowing how to walk that very fine line.

David – thanks. Youtube isn’t particularly spanking-friendly. Try spankingtube for clips and previews from many great sites as well as home/amateur content.

Prefectdt – While I personally could and have received discipline from someone I had an intimate relationship with, I would not want the discipline spanking to be mixed with intimate acts. I wouldn’t want the discipline to be mixed with pleasure and more importantly (for me personally) I would not want to feel that performing sexual acts is forced or a part of the punishment. Major limit there! But I would agree that discipline is best delivered by someone that cares. The emotional dynamic is huge.

^Mike – So true. I don’t think anyone could force me to make the changes I’m not ready to make, but extra encouragement and incentive can play a big part in achieving a mutually agreed upon goal.

Jeff – Well, you certainly haven’t bored me as the issues relate very closely to my own. Distance may be a difficult problem, but finding someone that is sensitive and understanding to the issues at hand while being strict yet fair and reasonable isn’t easy. I wish your “niece” well and please let her know that things can get better and easier in time.

funbun – Thanks! Glad you are enjoying our latest updates.

Brad – Yes, I’ve often equated getting spanked as an act of caring – not necessarily love or sexual intimacy, but certainly affection and endearment. That’s a huge part of what makes spanking special to me and why I can get so hurt if I feel taken advantage of or demeaned in a spanking situation.

I’m glad you enjoyed this post and I hope to keep spoiling you regularly.

hairbrushman – Chemistry is key. Have to be on the same page with intent, intensity, and so many other aspects. As far spread as it seems we spankos are, it’s amazing that we are able to meet as many compatible partners as we do.

Wednesday – Awww. Thank you. I hope you’ll enjoy your visits here. And I hope that the development of your disciplinary relationship goes smoothly.

Winchester – What you’re describing almost sounds like a maintenance spanking – whether or not you’ve been naughty (or at least found to be naughty) a solid spanking ensures the slate is clean and acts as a reminder to behave because a true disciplinary spanking could be a lot worse!

2Good – I didn’t regret trying because in some cases it was a little helpful or at least helpful at the time. If something truly negative had resulted, yes I probably would wish I hadn’t gone down that path, but at the same time, there’s no way to know for certain until you try. I’m glad I did.

For spanking people, I think that the benefit from disciplinary spanking comes not from the pain of the spanks, but from the fact that someone is showing you strong nurture, be it of a very harsh kind. Some spanking people equate getting a spanking as someone caring very much and I think that can be a powerful dynamic in a relationship if that is what is really going on. Of course, some people just like to control others and find someone to manipulate by spanking or otehr means and that is not so good.

As long as two people understand that they are really adults and are doing it with consent and by the desire of both, why not have a disciplinary relationship in addition to a fun, erotic one?

Another great blognote, Pixie, but I have come to expect them from you. You spoil us.

But I wanted to take the opportunity to compliment you with the last entry. The first photo’s of you over Paul’s knee, him taking down your panties and baring your unblemished buttocks are a dream… To me…

Thank you SOOO much. Your site is getting better and better and I LOVE you for that…!

Big Hugs and kisses, Funbun

Sadly, she and I live about a thousand miles apart. Over the past five years, she has flown up to visit my family several times, and on each visit we have set time aside for her to “take her medicine.” Basically, I punish her for collectively for infractions she has accrued since her last visit — the worse she’s done, the more severe spanking(s) she can expect. Also, she may earn other, less major spankings in the course of the visit for being uncooperative or dishonest about eating while she’s with me.

Is it effective? Given the infrequency, the wait of MONTHS between “crime” and punishment … probably not very much. She believes, though, that if she could actually live with me and my family, or at least if we lived only a short drive apart, my discipline would really help her stay on track.

You know what’s weird? Right before I checked your blog tonight, and read this entry for the first time, I was chatting with her, and were talking about this very subject. That’s weird, because before that we hadn’t talked at all in several weeks, and hadn’t talked about our spanking relationship in probably close to a year. (With airline prices as they’ve been — along with a hospitalization that drained her savings — she hasn’t been able to visit since spring ’07.)

(This may seem weird, but at least once a visit I can also look forward to spanking from her. This is different, though — not real discipline at all; just make-believe, role-play discipline: I pretend to be a young boy, and she’s my firm-but-loving guardian-figure. I think it is actually therapeutic for me, but only in the emotionally cathartic sense, not to help me break bad habits. Whereas when I spank her, I am deciding exactly what she’s getting; when she spanks me … well, I’ve decided ahead of time exactly what I’m getting. One might think that this type of play would undermine her seeing me as an authority figure in her life, but oddly enough it hasn’t.)

I hope I haven’t bored anyone too much. Thank you, Pixie, for this opportunity to share and reflect on something of such deep emotional resonance in my life. I wish you the very best in ALL of your self-improvement efforts — with and without spanking. Take care.

Jeff

I learned long ago that pressure comes from within. No matter what someone does or says, if you’ve managed to psychologically distance or remove yourself from any negative outcomes, nothing will motivate you to change your behavior. You can learn to live with disappointment and even severe pain, though you won’t be happy, it just won’t matter. Until some part of you truly wants to change, though you may actually make positive strides in that direction, you will ultimately fall short of your goal. However, I believe that a skilled disciplinarian would be able to find and focus on that part, coax it forth and encourage it, until either change is achieved or it becomes clear that the time is not yet right.