Although the majority of my spankings these days are either role play for scenes or more light hearted (but heavy handed) on-the-spot discipline from my boyfriend for minor infractions or bratting, I have in the past received spankings as a form of therapeutic discipline. A goal would be set regarding a particular issue I’d like to improve on and the spanker would help hold me accountable by regularly checking in on my progress and dishing out discipline as needed.
I’ve worked on smaller / simpler goals such as drinking more water (takes sip of Diet Coke …clearly need more work on that one) or tackling an ugly chore I might otherwise procrastinate about and more difficult ones such as low self-esteem and other related struggles.
Even though I am a spanko and therefore enjoy spankings in many ways, they still hurt and the disciplinary ones pack that extra sting of disappointment. Knowing that I’ll otherwise face swats with an implement I don’t like can sometimes provide the extra little push I need to make a step in the right direction.
What is key though is a desire to change and improve regardless of the spankings. The accountability can help as can the little extra motivation, but if deep down a person isn’t willing or ready to change, I don’t think it would work as you can’t force a person to comply in this manner. The spankings simply lose their therapeutic value.
For me personally, I experienced both some success and some failure in being held accountable with therapeutic disciplinary spankings. After a while the need and desire for strict monitoring and punishment would lessen. Sometimes this was because I’d made significant strides, other times it was because I wasn’t ready to move forward yet, and in some rare cases it didn’t work because there simply wasn’t the right connection between the spanker and me for such a relationship to work.
I know for some, spanking is purely fun or erotic and spanking for true disciplinary reasons never even enters the picture. But for plenty of others, some level of therapeutic spanking is common particularly in addressing areas related to self-care habits such as proper diet or quitting cigarettes.
Have you tried therapeutic disciplinary spankings (either as a spanker or spankee)? Did you find the relationship to be helpful? Did the spankings remain a consistent motivating factor or did they lose their effectiveness over time?
September 11th, 2008 - 9:24 pm
Discipline is a way of life for me. When I started the domestic discipline relationship with my husband, it was sort of like a joke. I don’t think either of us truly understood the meaning or reasons behind it. We just knew it was what I wanted and needed and we were going to make it work. Since he left about a week ago for bootcamp [army] it has forced me to do some reflecting and soul searching, and I have since realized that even though I may enjoy a playful spanking, the disappointment from myself and from the caring person behind the hand or implement is not fun, at all. It’s not necessarily thinking about the spanking I will get that makes me motivated, it’s about disappointing myself and that person enough to push them to that point. The hurt of knowing I hurt that person is what makes me motivated.
I have since found a disciplinarian, which my husband pretty much insisted on, and have found this realization mixed with him [which my disciplinarian and I do not do play or erotic spankings, at all. it is purely discipline], is already causing me to flower into the person I want and need to be.
Discipline/therapeutic spanking is very helpful in life. Even though you think you aren’t the one holding yourself accountable, you really are. You have to admit that you deserve the discipline and take it with that in mind.
It only loses it’s effectiveness when I start to doubt my need or want for it, or when the spanker does not have thier heart in it.
Sorry it’s so long.
Great post!
Hugs,
Naomi
September 11th, 2008 - 9:49 pm
Speaking only for myself, giving spankings is just for fun. That doesn’t mean a scene can’t have a serious tone, there is nothing wrong with playing out even a severe disciplinary scenario. But when it’s over, I am not in charge of anyone, I’m far too much of a feminist supporter for that. And I’m not a fan of real-life authority figures of any kind.
September 12th, 2008 - 1:08 am
As someone who has given, and does give, gave one just the other day actually, such spankings, I have to say I do find it to be a good and effective tool depending on the person.
And I have spent a good 45 years dealing in this area.
As a therapist who also spanks, I could go into a long and boring synopsis about the entire matter, but mainly, I just know that spanking can and does work for some and usually they themselves know it and say as such, or at least hate to admit it but know it on the inside.
And I have had many a child, boy and girl, mark that as anyone 45 and under is a child to me, heh, across my knee which have gone on to learn and grow as people due to my hand, and other such things, being applied to their backend.
Though I did do a lot more also to keep them on track, so certainly spankings were, and are, an option, but I strive to do what works above all else.
And Amber I greatly admire you for knowing what works, and what does not work, for you and what helps to curb behavior that you could do to not engage in at times, spankings included or not. For I know so many young ladies who could benefit greatly to have your honesty and self-awareness.
September 12th, 2008 - 3:31 am
I’ve had several therapeutic/disciplinary spanking relationships and found successes and failures. The biggest pitfall seems to be a spankee that isn’t serious about the real life issues… but rather is just interested in the role play aspect of being punished. A role play is great and all, and I’m certainly more than open to that kind of play. But, I need to know that’s what is going on. Dishonesty will kill it every time.
Positive experiences come when I’m on the same page with my spankee. I do think though that doing the same thing over and over can lose it’s effectiveness. Pretty easy to sense when that little bit of ‘fear’ of getting spanked (or disappointing) has drifted below the point where it is effective. When that happens… things need to be changed up a bit. Rules can be adjusted, consequences changed… a different tone or approach used.
I think it’s human nature to grow comfortable with a regular pattern. Just have to move outside of that comfort zone from time to time.
I know it’s not for everyone, and that includes many spankos. But, I am a big supporter of therapeutic/disciplinary spankings. For those that are wired for them… it really is amazing to see what can be accomplished with them.
Todd
September 12th, 2008 - 6:13 am
Pixie,
Interesting blog, and one that seems particularly relevant to my own thinking.
I always have daydreams (actually, sensual fantasies) about being in a D/s relationship, with me falling so easily and naturally into the submissive side of things.
As for therapy, my cute bf keeps a long list of rules prominently displayed by the front door. These are rules for my conduct that visitors can speculate about as they come in. Each violation has a separate penalty, ranging from a simple spanking to corner time, and every other imaginative punishment in between.
My therapy is not just based on spanking; it comes as well from the total vulnerability and embarrassment to which I’m subjected..this all works together to make me the lovely submissive I so long to be. Just imagine my feelings as my cute bf’s friends visit often, seeing me doing my punishment..so totally sensual! I love to imagine their response. Maybe he even enlists their help in punishing me.
I guess spankings work on many different levels–some are for fun, some are very sexy—it’s all a matter of opinion.
September 12th, 2008 - 6:24 am
Hi
Ive just visited a professional spankee for only the
second time in my life I gave her a real OTK spanking
and I realised how much better I felt afterwards.
I must say I found the whole thing very theraputic and I did feel a lot less stressed,which I hadnt considered before.
September 12th, 2008 - 7:09 am
pixie you look lovely in your shorty nightdress with matching panties in the latest p.b video receiving big spanks i enjoyed the post as well have a nice weekend love from tim
September 12th, 2008 - 9:25 am
Submission, mutual respect and a very clear understanding of what goal is to be achieved must be recognized when entering into this realm of a spanking relationship. The spankee must be concise in what behavior they want to address and how they want it addressed; the spanker must respect limitations, this is especially important since therapuetic spankings tend to be more severe.
In my personal history of administering therapuetic, disciplinary, behavior modification spankings, I have encountered spankees with a wide variety of pain thresholds. I feel that it was my responsibility to be aware of just how far to go with this type of spanking.
September 12th, 2008 - 4:53 pm
I really enjoy looking around at spanking pages and wish I could find more youtube scenes, you are really cute in the rite places; bet you’ve heard that before. Keep up the good work.
September 12th, 2008 - 5:49 pm
For very serious discipline I self spank (or to be more accurate whip, as it is on my back). I do not enjoy this at all but it helps me get over the bad stuff in my head. I could never mix a true discipline regime with a relationship but I have often thought that if I could find a disciplinarian with whom I am not having a sexual or emotional relationship, they might be able to help me keep my life on track a bit better.
Perhaps I would do the washing up more regularly
Prefectdt
September 12th, 2008 - 11:21 pm
My one experience (or attempt at) using spanking as therapeutic discipline was with my first spanking partner, whom I met in college. She’d enrolled in a program that required a great deal of math and science coursework, and was not doing well, losing ground with each successive term. Fortunately, before I was able to employ much of my planned regime, a gift I’d given her turned out to be even more influential than a smacked bottom. Through it, she learned that there actually was a degree program for the very thing she’d interned as, and dearly loved, during high school. Despite her father’s initial objections, she followed my advice and transferred to another school, where she excelled, acing every class and graduating with honors, even giving the valedictory address. The classes she took there all required much more rigorous math and science that had her original program.
I learned long ago that pressure comes from within. No matter what someone does or says, if you’ve managed to psychologically distance or remove yourself from any negative outcomes, nothing will motivate you to change your behavior. You can learn to live with disappointment and even severe pain, though you won’t be happy, it just won’t matter. Until some part of you truly wants to change, though you may actually make positive strides in that direction, you will ultimately fall short of your goal. However, I believe that a skilled disciplinarian would be able to find and focus on that part, coax it forth and encourage it, until either change is achieved or it becomes clear that the time is not yet right.
September 13th, 2008 - 3:32 am
Wow, did this one hit a chord with me, Pix! ALL of my spanker experience (with an adult spankee, I mean) has been therapeutic / disciplinary, with only one person — my “niece” whom I have mentioned in other posts. She has been battling anorexia on and off since the age of nine, and hospitalized for it I believe close to 20 or more times over a couple of decades. I spank her essentially for succumbing to the wrong temptations: Skipping meals, lying about how much she has eaten, and / or over-exercising.
Sadly, she and I live about a thousand miles apart. Over the past five years, she has flown up to visit my family several times, and on each visit we have set time aside for her to “take her medicine.” Basically, I punish her for collectively for infractions she has accrued since her last visit — the worse she’s done, the more severe spanking(s) she can expect. Also, she may earn other, less major spankings in the course of the visit for being uncooperative or dishonest about eating while she’s with me.
Is it effective? Given the infrequency, the wait of MONTHS between “crime” and punishment … probably not very much. She believes, though, that if she could actually live with me and my family, or at least if we lived only a short drive apart, my discipline would really help her stay on track.
You know what’s weird? Right before I checked your blog tonight, and read this entry for the first time, I was chatting with her, and were talking about this very subject. That’s weird, because before that we hadn’t talked at all in several weeks, and hadn’t talked about our spanking relationship in probably close to a year. (With airline prices as they’ve been — along with a hospitalization that drained her savings — she hasn’t been able to visit since spring ’07.)
(This may seem weird, but at least once a visit I can also look forward to spanking from her. This is different, though — not real discipline at all; just make-believe, role-play discipline: I pretend to be a young boy, and she’s my firm-but-loving guardian-figure. I think it is actually therapeutic for me, but only in the emotionally cathartic sense, not to help me break bad habits. Whereas when I spank her, I am deciding exactly what she’s getting; when she spanks me … well, I’ve decided ahead of time exactly what I’m getting. One might think that this type of play would undermine her seeing me as an authority figure in her life, but oddly enough it hasn’t.)
I hope I haven’t bored anyone too much. Thank you, Pixie, for this opportunity to share and reflect on something of such deep emotional resonance in my life. I wish you the very best in ALL of your self-improvement efforts — with and without spanking. Take care.
Jeff
September 13th, 2008 - 3:49 am
Off topic..!
But I wanted to take the opportunity to compliment you with the last entry. The first photo’s of you over Paul’s knee, him taking down your panties and baring your unblemished buttocks are a dream… To me…
Thank you SOOO much. Your site is getting better and better and I LOVE you for that…!
Big Hugs and kisses, Funbun
September 13th, 2008 - 1:26 pm
The posts on this topic have been fascinating, just as your very candid admissions always seem to make me like you even better, Pixie.
For spanking people, I think that the benefit from disciplinary spanking comes not from the pain of the spanks, but from the fact that someone is showing you strong nurture, be it of a very harsh kind. Some spanking people equate getting a spanking as someone caring very much and I think that can be a powerful dynamic in a relationship if that is what is really going on. Of course, some people just like to control others and find someone to manipulate by spanking or otehr means and that is not so good.
As long as two people understand that they are really adults and are doing it with consent and by the desire of both, why not have a disciplinary relationship in addition to a fun, erotic one?
Another great blognote, Pixie, but I have come to expect them from you. You spoil us.
September 13th, 2008 - 2:20 pm
What great emotion in these posts! I’m learning a lot!
September 14th, 2008 - 12:22 am
i happen to think they work,but you are right. there need to be a chemistry,and a real caring about that person,wheher its you getting spanked or you are the spanker. i know for me,its always helped a great deal,motivating me,and i need that.
September 14th, 2008 - 1:23 pm
Great post! I just got done spending 5 years with my partner trying to sort out whether he wants role play or discipline. He’s finally admitted a need for discipline, but you did a nice job of summing up the factors I am going to be watching for as I proceed. I think I am going to be visiting this blog often.
September 14th, 2008 - 4:54 pm
I’ve never had such a relationship = but I’m not sure that therapeutic spankings could be not far removed from the spankings once administered at the end of the week not for any known transgressions, but because there must have been transgressions that had not been found out! I read once about parents who, if they had not spanked their daughters during the week would do so before they went to Church on Sunday ….I hink I know who needed the spankings most!
September 14th, 2008 - 5:58 pm
I can see where you’d need to have the right dynamic between you and the spanker to make this work for you as well as be ready to take steps to change. If the discipline spanking did not work to solve an issue you were having, did ever you regret doing it in the first place?
September 15th, 2008 - 12:06 pm
Naomi – I love this line: “Even though you think you aren’t the one holding yourself accountable, you really are.”
It’s so true. I’ve read comments before from those that do not like DD that such a relationship leaves all the responsibility on the spanker and the spankee doesn’t have to be responsible at all. But I think that if that were true (and in some cases it could lean that way) that it wouldn’t be effective nor last very long. If you’re doing the work to change and being honest about missteps and challenges, then I don’t think it’s a bad thing at all to ask for a little extra help and support from a willing partner in the form of discipline.
Tony – I don’t think I could tolerate having anyone truly in charge of me either. When it’s gotten too close to that point, that’s when I’ve balked and ended the disciplinary dynamic. A little extra help and guidance on a matter that I’m in line with is one thing, but I’m not very good about submissively taking orders.
MKB – Thank you.
I know such discipline has at times helped me and many of my spanking friends that needed some firm guidance, but for others it simply isn’t what their looking for. Even within our group of spankos, there are lots of smaller subgroups which enjoy our common interest in many different ways.
Todd – Absolutely. Mistakes and missteps are to be expected, but purposely acting out or lying will destroy the disicplinary relationship (and pretty much the same goes for any other relationship) quickly. I also think that changing or getting better can be scary in itself, but you have to trust that it’s going to be even better on the other side – including plenty of spankings (just not for the same infractions) await if so desired.
dani – I’ve occasionally daydreamed of similar situations, but I know in real life I would soon chafe at the tight restrictions and rules. It is fun to imagine though or engage in for a short period of time in a role play situation. I just don’t think I could do it as a 24/7 lifestyle.
johndee – I never considered before how stress relieving giving a spanking could be!
tim – Thank you.
Scorpius – Excellent point. Even though it’s real life discipline, limits must still be adhered to or else there is going to be a breakdown in trust. It’s actually a pretty involved ordeal when you think about it. The spanker has to determine how strict to be, how firm to be with punishment, must listen to the spankee about limits, but not give in so much that the spankee feels like he or she can get away with misdeeds or doesn’t feel adequately punished. I give the effective disciplinarians a lot of credit for knowing how to walk that very fine line.
David – thanks. Youtube isn’t particularly spanking-friendly. Try spankingtube for clips and previews from many great sites as well as home/amateur content.
Prefectdt – While I personally could and have received discipline from someone I had an intimate relationship with, I would not want the discipline spanking to be mixed with intimate acts. I wouldn’t want the discipline to be mixed with pleasure and more importantly (for me personally) I would not want to feel that performing sexual acts is forced or a part of the punishment. Major limit there! But I would agree that discipline is best delivered by someone that cares. The emotional dynamic is huge.
^Mike – So true. I don’t think anyone could force me to make the changes I’m not ready to make, but extra encouragement and incentive can play a big part in achieving a mutually agreed upon goal.
Jeff – Well, you certainly haven’t bored me as the issues relate very closely to my own. Distance may be a difficult problem, but finding someone that is sensitive and understanding to the issues at hand while being strict yet fair and reasonable isn’t easy. I wish your “niece” well and please let her know that things can get better and easier in time.
funbun – Thanks! Glad you are enjoying our latest updates.
Brad – Yes, I’ve often equated getting spanked as an act of caring – not necessarily love or sexual intimacy, but certainly affection and endearment. That’s a huge part of what makes spanking special to me and why I can get so hurt if I feel taken advantage of or demeaned in a spanking situation.
I’m glad you enjoyed this post and I hope to keep spoiling you regularly.
hairbrushman – Chemistry is key. Have to be on the same page with intent, intensity, and so many other aspects. As far spread as it seems we spankos are, it’s amazing that we are able to meet as many compatible partners as we do.
Wednesday – Awww. Thank you. I hope you’ll enjoy your visits here. And I hope that the development of your disciplinary relationship goes smoothly.
Winchester – What you’re describing almost sounds like a maintenance spanking – whether or not you’ve been naughty (or at least found to be naughty) a solid spanking ensures the slate is clean and acts as a reminder to behave because a true disciplinary spanking could be a lot worse!
2Good – I didn’t regret trying because in some cases it was a little helpful or at least helpful at the time. If something truly negative had resulted, yes I probably would wish I hadn’t gone down that path, but at the same time, there’s no way to know for certain until you try. I’m glad I did.