Another question that’s come up occasionally in emails is what I think about self-spankings and do I practice them. Although not recently, I have indeed tried to administer self-spankings.
The first time was when I was a young girl. My father’s old frat paddle hung in the basement of our house and I was curious what it might feel like across my bottom. While such a heavy paddle could probably knock a person into next week, in the hands of a child trying to reach around and smack her own butt it was unwieldy and ineffective. I gave up and returned to playing Legos.
Fast forward a decade or so and I tried once again to gather the might and coordination to smack myself. At the time I wasn’t in a relationship with anyone nearby that could administer a good spanking on a regular basis so phone or webcam spankings were used as a means of filling the void. At least with these types of spankings, the spanker would scold and instruct me what implement to use, how hard, and how many swats. Still, it wasn’t as fulfilling as a real spanking administered by another person and so I soon gave up again … though I didn’t return to playing with Legos that I recall.
I haven’t attempted self-spanking in a few years now. One because I’m very blessed to receive more than my fair share of conventional spankings delivered by others these days, and also because I never could seem to get the hang of them. Reaching back at that awkward angle, my arm and shoulder would tire out long before my bottom. And no matter how I tried or how deserving I might have felt of punishment, I could never put enough force into it. Some of this I’m sure is due to the limited range of motion, but more so because the part of my brain that feared the pain overrode the part that desired the spanking (odd considering my history of self-injury). Unlike when I put my bottom and spanking needs into the capable hands of a skilled and experienced spanker, I had too much control over the situation which paradoxically led to me not getting what I wanted.
Even if I was able to deliver solid swats to my own bottom, very important components would be missing for me. There is no power exchange or submission during a self-spanking and also little to no interaction. The emotional aspect of a spanking is at least equal in importance to me as the actual smacks and so with no one there to deliver the whole package, the spankings fall a bit short. If I were to be in the situation once more of not having someone to spank me, I’m not sure that I would attempt self-spanking again. I know for me it just doesn’t provide the complete experience I’m looking for and so I’d probably try to make do without rather than attempt to provide my own discipline.
Here is a picture that I took after a self-spanking session with a bathbrush years back. The spanking had been directed by a disciplinarian via phone and I took the photo so I could send it as evidence of my earnest effort.
Notice that I’m wearing a thong! I was so modest.
July 3rd, 2008 - 6:11 pm
Thank you for a very honest and humble entry. As you may have noted by my somewhat belated post on your Childhood spanking entry, (written as were some others after you had given your comments) self-spanking has been, since my early teens, part of my life – indeed the ONLY spanking experience. I have over the years tried numerous implements – but the only one that has “worked” for me has been the cane. With that you can get a pretty reasonable swing – but I buy into your quandary – the part of the brain that fears the pain can override the part that desires the spanking. To counteract that I find when I need a caning I can only manage sufficient purchase if I have rendered myself immobile – by for instance tying myself over the back of a wooden chair – which also to a tiny extent gives something of the vulnerability by being a “virtual” power exchange. There is of course no interaction – and I have too much contril over the whole situation – but it is the best available in my situation.
July 3rd, 2008 - 8:57 pm
For all the reasons you mentioned, Pixie, I’d rather go without than do self-spanking. It’s not satisfying and if anything, it would heighten the frustration and desire for the real thing.
It does seem that some people can get the hang of the physicality necessary to make an impact. One young girl posted a picture of her bottom, completely covered with nasty bruises. She had done that to herself — said that she had been “directed” to do so.
I suggested that next time someone directs her to do that kind of damage to herself, she should direct him to go jump in the lake. That wasn’t well received…
July 4th, 2008 - 12:34 am
Pixie, thanks for your honest and detailed stories about self-spankings… and the conflicting feelings they spawned in you.
I can only guess, but I’d say that spanking yourself rather than being spanked by another person is roughly on the same level as masturbation. IOW, the body may be satisfied, but not the soul.
Your story left me wondering: What becomes of a spankee when she gets too old to “play?” Do you suppose spankees in their 60s and older still crave it? It’s sad to consider that you couldn’t get satisfaction somehow.
Well, that’s something you won’t have to worry about, for many years to come.
Cheers,
Dan
July 4th, 2008 - 1:49 am
In my limited experience, I have concluded that people who feel the need to be spanked tend to be highly moral people (not Puritan morals: I mean the desire not to cause harm or fail in duty). If one has a good memory, one can feel terrible and lasting gut-pain over the smallest infraction. To make things worse, such a person is likely to be hard on themselves to the point of tyranny. Unforgiving, though they themselves are very forgiving towards others because they know compunction unchecked can be a horrible, serenity destroying emotion.
Practically, all we have is each other. A self-spanking is an act of vanity, an attempt to be our own priest. How can we trust ourselves when we are racked with guilt? Either we are too soft on ourselves, in which case it’s a cheep dodge, or we are unrelenting and vicious, and forgiveness never comes from that. Viciousness is dark hole we dig for ourselves, forgetting the ladder.
Another human, with their own idea of right and wrong, and crime and punishment, punishing us until they say “That’s ENOUGH, you’ve been punished, you’ve learned–move on and seek joy because life isn’t over” is a great gift spankers can give to spankees. Life is hard, especially for the sensitive. For those humans that are all too human but feel sick when they realized they did wrong.
The real trick seems to be, to me, to find someone who is strict, yes, but kind. Someone who enjoys spanking you (who the hell wouldn’t enjoy spanking you?), but also wants to foster your own serenity. Your peace with yourself. They can’t give it to you. Nobody can. But they can take the edge off damning self-judgment. They can give you room to breath, to think, to forgive yourself for the crime of being human.
You seem to have done well in finding good people. That’s no small trick. Good work. In the end, the best thing a person can be is honest.
PB
July 4th, 2008 - 2:18 am
While my spanking fascination goes back to early childhood (as it does with most of us), I think my first actual self-spanking efforts happened around my early teens. Over the years, I’ve tried it with a bath brush, hairbrush, belt (both doubled over and not), cane, wooden back-scratcher … and probably several other objects I’m not recalling right now. As I’ve said in another thread, it’s mostly been an exercise in frustration; however (as I generally get to see the one person who spanks me only once a year or so), it’s one I still do from time to time.
Ever try it with a belt? As with everything else, it’s hard to get any semblance of an effective angle on your own bottom — one halfway-decent stroke (emphasis on the “halfway”) will land for about every three or four “duds.” I wonder, though, if it might be better for self-spanking than the inflexible implements, as there is less direct control: With a hairbrush, the brush is coming down at the same speed the hand is moving. The striking end of the belt, however, should be moving considerably faster than the hand, thus lessening the effectiveness of any neurological inhibitors to inflicting pain on oneself.
All this has me thinking about another aspect of my spanking solo-play: The emphasis I would put on preparation and anticipation — just as I do in my purely mental fantasies. I remember being home alone in my early teens, and going down into the basement, baring my bottom and bending over the washing machine, and “waiting” in that position for an imaginary adult authority figure to come down the stairs to spank me. (In the fantasy, this was my fantasy-self’s punishment routine; the idea being that the punishment would be worse if I weren’t already “bared and prepared” — and possibly holding the implement that would be used on me — when the adult arrived. Part of the punishment was not knowing if the bare-bottomed wait would be five minutes or half an hour. As a kid, I must have made this scenario up myself, because I had NEVER heard tell of any kid, real or fictional, having to do ANYTHING like this prior to being spanked.) At the end of the “wait,” I would imagine the pre-spanking dialog (and sometimes speak it out loud — yes, okay, I admit it!), and often (but not always) attempt a self-spanking.
As when I read a good spanking story, the anticipation part, for me, is almost always better than the actual spanking part. Except for those oh-so-rare occasions when I can get a real spanking from my real adult friend, it’s all downhill after the first spank lands.
Thanks for bearing with me (if not baring with me — oh, well!) through another long-winded post. Have a GREAT Fourth of July weekend. May you enjoy glorious fireworks — the kind in the sky, and the kind on your bum as well! Take care.
Jeff
July 4th, 2008 - 2:25 am
As a video star, I can understand why you’d be asked to do it. There’s a jealousy factor in that most guys would rather see you do it yourself than watch some other male do what they really wish they were doing themselves (hope all that makes sense)
As always, you have a lot of insights on this and they’re all on the bullseye. Great post. 
July 4th, 2008 - 2:45 am
I did spank myself with a small range of implements, to ‘test’ the feeling. Lame attempts to be honest. I love to spank women and wanted to know how these implements felt.
I never asked these women to spank ME after (or before) I spanked them, as that would have ruined the atmosphere.
However after a while I decided to only use my hand as the contact between my hand and the buttocks of the culprit is too precious to be lost.
My wife sometimes spanks me with her hand, but she is the only one and only as a prelude to sex.
Self spanking, no it’s not me…
Love and XXX, Funbun
July 4th, 2008 - 4:50 am
Pixie……..I understand what you are saying but that self-spanked bottom in the photo looks pretty sore to me……….certainly it looks very attractive!!!!!!!!
As you know, one of the ladies I spank did spank herself, following my directions and using a webcam, whilst she was abroad for some months. Whilst it was less than ideal for both of us, it was better than nothing and it did mean that her bottom continued to be disciplined and her misdemeanours punished until her return to the UK. I’m glad to say that her naughty bottom now gets all the attention it so badly deserves!
July 4th, 2008 - 4:57 am
pixie i agree it is difficult to self spank onesself what a lovely new spankee annabella looks for the latestscenes to come love from tim
July 4th, 2008 - 5:20 am
Hi Pixie! Great post and love the cute pic! Wanted to say thank you as well for adding me to your blog roll
July 4th, 2008 - 2:53 pm
Ah, self spanking. I think all spankees have tried it at some point, especially when there wasn’t a spanker around.
I too tried it as a young girl, but I used a ping pong paddle and not my dad’s frat paddle (the sheer size of that thing scared the crap out of me!). Of course, there’s always something that keeps you from intentionally hurting yourself (especially at a very young age) so it didn’t really hurt and was more of a game to me LOL.
As a teenager I tried using a belt and got mixed results. Sometimes it was wimpy and others I got myself better than I thought I would have LOL. It wasn’t something that I did that often, but it happened occasionally.
As for now, I don’t really enjoy self spanking, even though I have done it from time to time. The last time was when J was overseas for work and I had gotten myself into trouble. So I spanked myself under his instruction. Gotta love webcams LOL.
Still, it’s not the same. Like you and others have said, it’s just not the same without the physical interaction with another person and giving them the power to determine how much punishment (real or just for fun) your bottom deserves. My last self spanking left me feeling empty emotionally so we decided that they won’t be part of our relationship. Fortunately, J hasn’t had to do much traveling lately so they wouldn’t have been necessary.
Great post and have a happy 4th!!!
XOXOXO
~Brat V~
July 5th, 2008 - 12:54 am
Brian Denehy to his son, Finch (David Spade): “You know, you’re not too old for a spanking.”
Nina van Horn (Wendie Malick), Denehy’s girlfriend: “And I hope I never am!”
- Scene from the defunct TV series “Just Shoot Me”
Another great topic as always, Pixie! (Was your Spidey Sense tingling when you came up with it?)
As you’ve so astutely observed, there is something vital, perhaps essential, in a conventional (“real”) spanking by another person that is missing from a self-spanking experience, emotionally if not physically. However, I think both Dan N. and Winchester raised important issues, which should also be taken into consideration. Just like sex, spanking is (usually) preferable to engage in with another person but, when limited by age or a socially restricted lifestyle, the options are reduced to means of the artificial or celibacy.
I, for one, am not prepared to swear off spanking for the remainder of my life, merely because I cannot have the optimum experience every time. Also, many people locked into “vanilla” marriages may simply have no alternative than to self-spank, and precious little time alone to accomplish even that. So the quest continues to find and perfect some means of obtaining a truly realistic and satisfying (at least in most ways) self-spanking.
Someday, perhaps, there will be a “package” available for those poor solitary self-spankers. It will contain digitally stored scoldings and lectures for before, during &/or after, assembled by software on the spot according to the miss-deed (actual or selected from a menu), and it will impose cornertime, bedtime, “grounding,” etc. It’ll have a set of selectors to determine all the physical aspects of the spanking (bare or not, type of implement, how many smacks/how hard/how fast), and that heretofore elusive spanking machine it’s attached to will hold you in place and actually deliver a “good” and thorough spanking the first time, every time. Yep, “Good to the Last Pop,” and “Fun for Naughty Boys & Girls of Any Age!” Why, it could even be plugged into the Internet to permit control by a distant Disciplinarian…
Naaaahhh (wadding schematics and deleting files), for many that would still be a complete waste of time and effort. For all technology can do, it can’t take the place of a live human being, one who will wrap you in warm arms afterward and make you feel cared for, wanted, and appreciated. Nothing artificial will ever completely cut it in comparison to the real thing but then, isn’t that the way it should be?
July 5th, 2008 - 10:57 am
Dear Pixie,
I’m remeinded of the scene in the movie “Secretary” where she tries to spank herself with a hairbrush and very quickly realizes that it just isn’t the same.
Giving up that sense of control to a spanker and not knowing what’s going to happen–how hard is the swat going to be, where exactly will it land, how many are you going to get, is he just going to use his hand or something else, etc–all goes to the emotional and mental state of the spankee and is a big part of what makes the experience.
You know you’re going to get spanked–but the details are a mystery that can get your mind working overtime….
Hugs,
Dr. Ken
July 6th, 2008 - 5:40 am
I’m a bit late posting on this one, but there’s not a lot I can add.
It seems like most of us have tried self-spanking to a greater or lesser extent, though in my case only on very few occasions as feeling pain is not really my thing. My spanking fantasies are well over 90 per cent toppy.
I have in the past experimented with self spanking using a cane (actually a thin garden cane) and some similar implements, but I can’t say that the pain alone did anything for me at all. I tried caning myself while looking at magazine photos of glamour models – pretending that they were instructing or administering the punishment – but all that got me turned on was the photos of the women, which worked just the same without me swishing the cane around.
Now I just stick to watching spanking videos.
July 6th, 2008 - 6:00 am
While I’m here, reading your previous post, I was once bitten by a common house spider which I was in the process of evicting. Those creatures are pretty docile and the bite had no effect on me whatsoever. Many years ago one of my relatives was bitten by an adder (viper) and had to spend several days in hospital.
July 7th, 2008 - 2:20 am
Self-spanking is tough… even if you can work out a way to do it (a bathbrush seems to work best). We did it early on in our relationship with mixed results. After doing the real thing for so long now though, we doubt it would work now.
Todd & Suzy
July 7th, 2008 - 3:38 am
Dear Pixie,
Again you have started a wonderful, instructive discussion. Impossible to add more, so I am just looking at your lovely picture reading all the wise comments.
Love
July 7th, 2008 - 9:13 pm
Winchester – I am impressed that you can cane yourself! You must excellent accuracy and technique. I’m not sure if you can see it in the picture, but I missed my bottom a few times even using a bathbrush.
Erica – Jump in the lake!! LOL. Erica, you are just too funny.
Dan – Who says spankees in their 60s are too old to play? Can’t say I’ve ever checked anyone’s IDs, but I’ve met a wide range of active players at SL. It would suck to not be able to enjoy any sort of activity (spanking, sex, tennis, yak herding … whatever you enjoy) due to declining health, but I hope that age, pure and simple, wouldn’t rule out at least mild play.
PB – I’m not sure if it’s true for all, but I can certainly relate to you with regard to being racked with guilt over the littlest infraction and being far tougher on myself than anyone else would be. Finding someone to connect to that can provide effective discipline and relief from guilt is not an easy task at all.
Jeff – Never tried self-spanking with a belt. I’d be too nervous about smacking my own thighs to really wind up hard. I’m a chicken like that.
Wonderful insight on the anticipation factor. I could feel tiny butterflies in my tummy just reading your description.
007 – I’m not sure how much jealousy factored into being told to spank myself. It was just that the spankers that I really connected to as far as spanking preferences (more emphasis on discipline than erotic) were unfortunately living in other states.
funbun – Good for you for testing the implements!! Personally, that’s always greatly appreciated so that the spanker has an idea of what sort of impact an implement might have and can play safely.
Aristotle – My bottom was sore without a doubt. But I just didn’t have the same emotional feelings or relief from guilt afterwards as I would have had I been given a conventional spanking from someone I trusted.
tim – Difficult in a few ways. And yes, Annabella is a wonderful addition to the PB cast.
A true spanko through and through.
Jenni – Thank you for having added me as well and for keeping such an intriguing blog. I blogstalk you daily to see what’s new.
Brat V – I’m glad that J hasn’t had to travel much not only so that you don’t have to engage in self-spanking, but so that you can spend quality time together in general … oh and if you are still trying for the pitter patter of little spanko feet in the near future.
Dreams of Horses – Thinking about technology and spankings, it made me realize that even if someone were to come up with an affordable, safe, effective, easy to stow away spanking machine, I’d probably still want to have someone else manning the controls. I’d never thought about that before, but it’s true. Of course if I had someone there to man the controls, I’d more than likely be pushing for them to forget the machine and spank me the old fashioned way.
Dr. Ken – Yep, the emotional and mental aspects make all the difference. For something that seems so simple, spanking sure can be a complex matter.
Steve (UK) – If pain isn’t your thing, then I’d say it’s much better to enjoy those photos of glamour models in comfort!!
I’ve been bitten by spiders before as well, and never anything like this. Apparently the spiders here in Cow Town aren’t like the ones that lived in the area I grew up in. I need to put a second coat of waterproofing on the lattice and I’m considering investing in body armour before I head out there.
Todd & Suzy – Wtih such a perfectly paired spanking couple such as yourselves, I can’t imagine either that you’d want to go back to self-spanking.
Erik – Awww. Thank you.
I’m very appreciative of everyone’s feedback and insights which have provided a lot of food for thought.
July 30th, 2008 - 4:06 am
One can’t tickle ones self any more than one can’t spank oneself. Both take someone else. I was spanked through my early teen years by Mom using her hefty hairbrush. From about 13 years on they always brought me to orgasm usually about an hour after when the sting had died down. I don’t think mother ever knew the end result! My last one was at age 15.