In response to my post asking for topic suggestions, Alex kindly asked: “I would love to read more about your childhood fascination with spanking, also the feelings right before you were to be spanked. Were you basically a good kid or like me always in trouble?”
Thanks so much for submitting your questions! Let the rambling begin.
Even as a very young girl I was intrigued by the idea of spanking. I didn’t understand it (nor do I think that I fully do to this day), but it’s always been a subject that has made my tummy flip and my pulse quicken. Just hearing or reading a reference to spanking gave me such a thrill, but it was always laced with shame as I thought for sure that my interest was inherently wrong. After all, why would I be so attracted to a punishment that I did my very best to avoid? One that involved the embarrassing act of baring one’s bottom and experiencing pain?
I thought for sure I must be the only one in the world to have these strange feelings about spanking. I didn’t share my thoughts or feelings with anyone for fear of rejection and confirmation that there was something terribly wrong and perverse about my fascination.
There was only one other girl that I knew back in fourth grade that I wondered about and considered sharing my secret with. She liked to read a passage over and over from one of our weekly readers that described the protagonist receiving a spanking for running away from home. Even with what now seems like a pretty obvious sign, I was still too chicken to ask if she was a spanko like me. I occasionally find myself wondering about where she is now and if her heart still skips a beat when stumbling across an unexpected spanking reference.
Rather than share and seek out friends that might engage in spanking play or try to elicit accounts of others’ discipline, I’d become very uncomfortable and would consciously change the topic of conversation if the subject of spanking came up. I was so fearful that something would give away my terrible secret. I even worried that my thoughts about spanking and the images of elaborate spanking machines that I conjured as I lay in bed at night might magically float out of my head and be discovered by my disapproving parents (thank goodness that is only a matter of childish magical thinking … errr, right?).
I was spanked growing up so I knew firsthand how a real spanking felt. My punishments were typically quick, firm, straight to the bare bottom affairs. They hurt a lot and were quite scary. I didn’t feel cared for, nurtured, forgiven, or cleansed after receiving a spanking as a kid. I felt terribly alone, fearful, and withdrawn. The disappointment that I had failed to be good or hadn’t measured up in some way and deserved such punishment hurt more, started the moment I knew I was in trouble, and lasted far longer than the sting in my bottom ever did.
I could be bossy, bratty, and whiny as any child is at some point, but for the most part, I was very introverted, highly cautious about confrontation, and a huge people pleaser. I did my best to be good, stay quiet, and keep out of the way. There were far worse things than spankings to fear growing up so generally this was the safest way of operating in any case.
On a loosely related note regarding childhood, I received a couple of emails recently asking me to post pictures of myself as a child and one even asking if I had any pictures during or after a spanking as a young girl. The answer is no on both accounts. I don’t have any pictures involving spanking as a child and I certainly would never post them if I did. I’m not even comfortable posting pictures of myself as a kid in the most vanilla situations because this is an adult oriented blog and I tend to be protective of the child I once was. I’m happy to share my thoughts about my childhood fascination with spanking, but no pictures or detailed accounts of my punishments.
June 25th, 2008 - 6:20 pm
Do you ever resent your parents’ methods of discipline?
June 25th, 2008 - 6:37 pm
I can relate to childhood fascination with spanking. However, the fascination that some have with hearing/seeing details of kids getting spanked gives me the heebee-jeebees.
Adult spanking is consensual; child spanking is not. Eve Howard once said something that resonated with me: “Children deserve to have their dignity too.” A child being spanked OTK on their bare bottom is stripped of all dignity.
I grew up in a time when spanking was as common as LP records, but my parents didn’t do it much, just the occasional one or two-swatter. I can remember only one OTK spanking, but it’s one of my worst memories. Not because of the pain, but because of the horrible way I felt afterward — humiliated and betrayed. I wished I could shrivel up and disappear. I ran outside into the back yard and wished the ground would swallow me.
You know, I related the above on a forum once, and someone wrote back, exploding with questions about every detail. “Was it bare bottom or on your panties?” “Did you cry?” “How many swats?” “Did he scold you as well?” “What did he say?” “Was it just hand, or hairbrush too?” Ewwww! Hello… I was FIVE!
But all that being said… yup, spanking loomed large in my little mind as a kid, too. Like you, Pixie, I was embarrassed by it and kept it to myself. But I kept it to myself until I was 38! I’m glad you broke out and explored earlier.
June 25th, 2008 - 7:49 pm
Another paradox of the human mind is that many of us who were fascinated by the topic of spanking from childhood onward, yet detested childhood ones for the reasons explained by Pixie, Erica, and Eve Howard, still have this adult spankinterest and find it releases feelings just the opposite of those we felt as a child.
When I spank a consenting adult woman, I feel that I am showing her an intense form of flirting, a kind of massage therapy and am acting out a fun dance with her.
Kids need patience and reason; spanking adults often want to act out just the opposite.
June 25th, 2008 - 10:18 pm
It’s creepy to me that people want more information about your childhood discipline. It’s helpful to know some information for context, but sheesh. And pictures? I’d report those people to the police.
Your story mirrored my experience - almost from birth I was fascinated with spanking. I definitely read “spank” in the dictionary too many times - including “wearing you out,” which is apparently a Southern term :).
I was a little more aggressive in exploring my interest. I wonder how many times I ‘lost’ a footrace with a girl (or girls) on the playground when the loser got a spanking…:)
June 25th, 2008 - 11:16 pm
Ditto previous comments on the weird dichotomy between fascination and revulsion as children. Personally, I believe that anyone deliberately inflicting pain on a child should be taken out back and shot, yet I spank the woman I love (and get spanked by her) routinely.
For me, it was school that got me interested in spanking…my parents never did much of it. But I still remember a giddy feeling watching the otk spanking my first grade teacher gave to a couple of miscreant girls (against all kinds of regs, I’m sure). And then there was my middle school, where they let the paddle swats ring through the halls.
Thanks for sharing so much of yourself here and in your videos, Pixie. Your blog is a regular stop in my online travels.
June 26th, 2008 - 12:23 am
Hey Pixie-
Thanks so much for answering my questions with such honesty, it is nice to know that I am not the only one who felt the same shame and humiliation after I was spanked too. Throughout my own childhood I had the same intrest in spanking as you, but I didn’t trust anyone enough to reveal to another person until I was a freshman in highschool. I told my then boyfriend about my intrest and was rewarded kindly for telling him.
I grew up in a very strict home and my stepmother ruled with an iron hand. I began to resent her authority and I would in turn act out only to be punished sometimes severly for it. But despite her harshness and firm hand on my backside I still had a love of spanking. Although after each spanking was over my stepmother made it a point to hold me and to tell me that she only did this because she loved me. Of course I heard the old “this hurts me more than you”. To this day I still don’t understand that statement. How can it hurt them more when I am the one getting the spanking in the first place.
Again thanks for answering my questions and sharing your vast insight on a much loved subject of so many. Keep up the great work!
June 26th, 2008 - 2:34 am
Also, given that when you were looking at weekly readers, I would’ve been in high school and early college (damn, I’m old), I’m a bit surprised that spanking would still be referenced in them.
Of course, Kentucky still has paddling counties…so I guess it’s not that surprising…
June 26th, 2008 - 2:37 am
Pixie,
I’m so glad that you have the views I do on posting childhood pictures of yourself or anyone else on your websites. I have also been contacted with requests simular and I also feel very uncomfortable when it happens. Adult consentual spanking and the spanking of children are very different in my view. I do not have fond memories of the spankings I got as a child and I have nothing in common with those who seek pictures and films of children.
June 26th, 2008 - 9:53 am
pixie an interesting post children need limits sometimes as long as theyknow they are lovedtim
June 26th, 2008 - 2:13 pm
It’s strange how the things you may witness as a child don’t necessarily reflect what you find erotic as an adult.
Nowadays, it’s girl-on-girl (adult) spanking that presses my buttons more than anything else, although during my childhood it was rare to see a girl getting so much as a slap. I was brought up in a community – and went to a junior school – where there seemed to be a presumption that girls were incapable of misbehaviour, and when anything happened it was always the boys that got the blame.
I do, however, remember one occasion when I got involved in a ‘play-fight’ with a girl in the school playground. It got a bit out of hand, and I ended up with a scratch on my neck which drew blood. I don’t think the girl meant to do it, but my Mum got upset and went round to the girl’s house to complain. The next morning, I was confronted by the girl, who told me that her father (a police officer) had given her a full OTK spanking over it. I can’t recall being that fascinated over her description of the punishment, probably because she was too bloody angry about it to allow me much scope for fascination.
Another time, I remember a quite attractive (to me as a boy) young female teacher who spanked three boys in front of the class. They were not particularly hard spankings, but what really gave me a buzz was the teacher’s enthusiastic expression and general demeanour while she was dishing them out. She seemed to be enjoying herself, and that was a rare occasion when I thought I might have enjoyed being on the receiving end.
I guess that teacher would have risked being sent to prison nowadays, and would certainly be on List 99.
June 26th, 2008 - 3:32 pm
I agree with the no childhood spanking pics policy, it’s just too icky. I don’t think I would want to continue communications with anyone into that kind of thing.
It was a point of contention between myself and my brother, that whilst growing up he often got a good belting where as I never received more than a few light smacks, from our mother. When the subject came up between all three of us, as adults, my mother explained that she only believed in using as much corporal punishment as was necessary to get her point across. She said that after a good belting my brother would usually be up to no good again within 2 or 3 days but after a couple of light pats, that didn’t even really hurt, I would become quite and withdrawn (to the point that it worried her) for weeks. I conclude from this that I got the bottom/sub gene and my brother did not.
I believe that spanking is not a good way of disciplining children. For a spanko it causes too much emotional trauma, far beyond any physical pain caused. Combined with the confusion that comes with something that you fantasize about so much and resent so much when it happens, without consent, it is a thing that could possibly cause psychological damage to a child who is a bottom/sub by nature.
Prefectdt
June 26th, 2008 - 9:15 pm
Pixie, you mentioned having fantasies of spanking machines too. I never did, but I wonder if many of us included them in our earliest fantasies?
June 26th, 2008 - 11:17 pm
It seems childhood spankings are common to most of us. As a kid, I too was overly interested in everything spanking…except feeling it on my own butt that is. It makes me wonder why my memories of my spankings aren’t clearer. Spankings from my dad I remember. Spankings from my mom I don’t. Also some spankings I do recall but have no idea what I did specifically to deserve them. You’d think those events would have made a strong impression on me that I would have ceased to forget.
June 27th, 2008 - 12:08 am
I recently turned 18 and just started (legally) exploring the spanking world on the internet. I’m glad there are others who read the stories in the middle school literature books and the dictionary definitions with as much fascination as I did. It truly is amazing to find that there are people out there like me. I was not spanked growing up, at least not at an old enough age that I can remember, but I have had these desires ever since I can remember. Thank you for posting this, because now I know that there are people who understand.
June 27th, 2008 - 2:10 am
Pixie, as always, thanks SO much for sharing. For years as a child and adolescent, I, too, really believed I was the only person in the world with this weird, gripping fascination. And what is it about the dictionary thing?? I remember almost falling off my chair when I first found out, somewhere online, that anyone else habitually looked up “spanking,” just to read the definition. The occasional spanking depicted in the Sunday comics or MAD magazine was always treasured, set aside, and looked at over and over again.
One thing I used to do a lot as a kid / teen that I don’t think I’ve ever read of anyone else doing: Frequenting the Child Care sections of book stores, scanning the index of every book that MIGHT mention spanking, then flipping to the listed pages and reading the section. It did that so often that it got so I pretty much knew what all the books said … but yet I still continued to do it.
One difference from you, Pixie, about being present as a child duirng spanking-related conversations: I only became uncomfortable (very much so) when adults around me started talking about spanking. I loved hearing other kids talk about it, and remember trying to steer conversations that way. (Quite unfairly, I suppose, I never wanted to talk about myself getting spanked, though, or even the possibility that it could happen. However, I never wanted to acknowledge that I could be punished in any way. As a kid, I always wanted to be an adult; being subject to parental punishments of any kind was the ultimate reminder that I was not one.) When I was a young child, the idea of spanking (and, as I think of it, spanking machines) frequently came into my playing make-believe with other kids. I never had the courage to suggest anything like baring bottoms when playing “house,” though. My mind just wasn’t capable of even considering that level of naughtiness, then. But that would change!
As a teen, when I had time alone, I several times made rather pitiful attempts to spank myself. With the old pink bath brush, I could at least get some color in my bottom, but in a way spanking is like tickling; it just doesn’t work on oneself.
As for the feeling of being the world’s only spanko, a couple of memories of early awareness that there were, in fact others like me: When I first saw MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL (”Spank me!” “And me!!” “A spanking, a spanking!!”); and, believe it or not, an article that was handed out to my high school history class, about Jean-Jacques Rousseau. I then had to wait quite a few years, for the advent of the Internet Revolution, to shatter forever that illusion of lonely uniqueness. Not only were there others; there were lots and lots and LOTS of others!
But we’re not all the same. Some of us are into aspects of this spanking thing that others are definitely not into.
But it would be nice if we didn’t look down on each other for those differences. Or try take some sort of moral or mental-health high ground.
No one here decided to become a spanko. Similarly, no one ever decided to be an adult who is fascinated by reading / writing / role-playing / drawing childhood spanking scenarios. It’s only what we do — and do not do — with our interest, that provides the basis for how we should be judged. Any adult who has ever given a real child a real spanking, for the adult’s spanko-pleasure, is a sleazeball, committing a heinous crime. But enjoying accounts, real-life and / or fantasized? (For the record, Pix, I’m not defending anyone who tries to get you to share anything you don’t want to about your life. We’re so lucky that you share so much of yourself — from your bare bottom to your heart and soul — that to ask you for anything which violates your principles or comfort level, would be, to me, extremely ungrateful and tacky.) When I’m fantasizing about being spanked, or on one of the (painfully rare) occasions when I can actually be spanked, I’m not imagining myself at my current age. I imagine myself as a kid, about 10-12 years old, being spanked by a loving adult caregiver (babysitter or teacher, usually). I’m sorry if my sharing that gives anyone the “heebee-jeebees.”
As for disciplinary spanking of real children: People will always disagree on whether or not it’s a good idea, but it’s safe to say that there are good parents who spank and good parents who don’t and crummy parents who spank and crummy parents who don’t. (Aside to JC: I’m going to take a wild guess that you don’t have children? In any case, you’d better have a BIG backyard and a LOT of bullets.)
Sorry this was so long. Again, Pixie, thanks so much for all the great work. Take care.
Jeff
June 28th, 2008 - 12:12 am
I probably won’t be able to post any responses to the comments until Sunday. In the meantime, please feel free to add your comments and insights on the matter.
June 28th, 2008 - 12:31 pm
Wow,reading that was like taking a trip back in time to my own childhood,all those feelings of unease about the subject,as if there was somthing wrong with me for liking spanking,your definatly not alone,as im sure you know now,im lucky enough to have found the lady of my dreams who shares my interest and bares her bottom for a good spanking when needed,she makes me see that there is nothing to be ashamed of anymore,no more hideing
June 28th, 2008 - 7:32 pm
Unlike many of the respondents, I never felt guilty; instead I was fascinated, though I instinctively kept that fascination to myself. I clearly recall enjoying, at the age of three, a particular cartoon series on TV about a little girl and her dog that constantly got into trouble, with seemingly every episode ending with her receiving a spanking from her exasperated father. One particular episode ended with her tossing a horseshoe over her shoulder indoors, followed by a crash and a shriek. The next scene showed a hand pulling up her skirt and taking down her panties, and two or three smacks being applied, then the closing scene of the girl being spanked by her father as he’s pinned to the door at the neck by the horseshoe. That brief scenario has remained clearly etched in my memory longer than I care to say, and I’ve been unable to find that cartoon series to this day. Even at three, though, it was quite a turn-on!
Maybe I was a slow learner, because it took years for me to recognize that my interest in spanking wasn’t “normal,” but in that time I developed quite a knack for getting other’s to talk about their spanking experiences. Probably none of those “interviewees” was a Spanko, because they weren’t the least reluctant to share and give details, whereas I never divulged a thing about myself. Perhaps we all have that aversion in common.
Like you, Pixie, I had things to fear in my childhood that were far more dangerous and scary than mere spankings. Spankings were something I only witnessed happening to other kids, and perhaps that is the source of my interest (or illness, as those who see it as a depravity would contend). The other kids were “nurtured, cared for, forgiven,” and they were spanked (being ambushed and lashed across the face and back with a 2-inch leather belt is not defined as such except on some Xtreme sites). However, I don’t resent anyone for a thing I went through. It made me strong enough not to need to hurt another soul, and empathetic enough to recognize the hurt in others and offer help. Spanking, to me, is for mutual enjoyment (at some point), and I’ve never had a moment of cruelty in my heart when giving one.
As for folks getting the “heebee-jeebees:” Spanking is not an act usually associated with being perpetrated upon adult males, so it makes perfect sense that someone fantasizing about being spanked might conjure a more appropriate image, either of themselves or of someone they’re vicariously projecting onto. Maybe I’m being too generous, but it’s possible that was the intent behind someone asking for pictures of you as a child, Pixie. Doesn’t matter, though; you were absolutely correct to refuse to comply with those requests. (This last line should be in BOLD!)
June 29th, 2008 - 2:00 am
Hi Pixie,
You wrote: ‘I didn’t feel cared for, nurtured, forgiven, or cleansed after receiving a spanking as a kid. I felt terribly alone, fearful, and withdrawn.’
This line does make me understand a lot more about you.
Funbun
June 29th, 2008 - 11:52 pm
T - No, I don’t harbor any resentment.
Erica - I’m so glad that you too dared to explore your fascination. The spanking community wouldn’t be the same without you!!! And I can only imagine the response you provided the nosey forum member. >:)
Brad - Preferences and experiences do change as we become adults. Just like foods that were gross at age 8 are now considered delicacies (exception being greenbeans which will forever be gagworthy), spankings that were once avoided are now courted.
Adam - I smiled imagining a little boy grinning at the girls sayin, “oh, did I lose again!? Darn.”
JC - I can only imagine the impression that witnessing an in-classroom spanking would have had. I know you said it was against all kinds of regs, but was CP allowed where you went to school?
Alex - Thank you for submitting it! Great topic. And interesting to see how many of us had such mixed feelings about spankings as children.
JC - Certainly nothing in detail. If I recall correctly, the story was about a servant girl and the one line said that she would be spanked for running away. It wasn’t much, but my friend “R” found that very, very interesting.
Linde - Oh yes. I think adult consensual spankings are wayyyy different than the childhood punishment ones. I’m sorry that you have been asked to post such photos too.
TIM - Children absolutely need limits. They crave structure and rules even when they rebel against every one of them.
Steve (UK) - I have a t-shirt with a nun on it that says, “Sister says Girls are Good, Boys are Bad”. Tehehe. Isn’t that right?
Prefectdt - How interesting it is that you and your brother reacted so differently. And while I can see why your brother would be a bit miffed in thinking you got off lightly, I think it’s good that your discipline was modified to the individual child rather than the same across the board (no pun intended).
Tony - I know I can hardly be the only one after seeing those cartoons that involved the conveyor belt style spanking machines of my dreams.
2Good - Maybe they aren’t clearer because it was such an awkward and uncomfortable experience? I know I’ve pushed a few things out of my mind because I just don’t want to remember.
AEH - Without a doubt there are lots of us that can relate. I think there are lot of dictionaries out there that are a little worn and dog-eared at the ’spank’ entry.
Jeff - I haven’t heard of looking in the child care sections of book stores, but I did look up “spanking” in the tattered copy of Dr. Spock’s Baby and Child Care book my parents had when I was a kid. It said spankings should not be given and so it wasn’t even as interesting a read as the dictionary. I think my parents must have skipped that chapter too.
And I’m with you on the subject of self-spanking too. I didn’t think to use the bathbrush. I tried to use my dad’s old frat paddle. Didn’t really work.
Colin - That’s wonderful that you feel so free and unashamed now. Yay for you and your lovely lady.
Dreams of Horses - A cartoon with the girl getting a spanking in nearly every episode? Do you remember the name of it? I don’t think I’ve heard of such a show, but I certainly see why it would be etched in your memory.
I think a couple of the people that asked if I would post childhood pics were asking innocently enough, but others clearly weren’t (I rather not repeat what they said) and it creeped me out.
funbun - Cool that even after all this time, there is still something new for you to discover within my rambling.
June 30th, 2008 - 2:16 am
“Paddling” was allowed in my county until 1990…otk with a ruler probably wasn’t at any time. And we still have a number of counties here (and private schools) that allow it.
June 30th, 2008 - 5:52 am
childhood spanking is different i think with everybody if you think about men or female who gotten spanking during childhood grow up never spanking there own kids cause they don’t belive in them. they could say they turn out out but just don’t want put their kids into same feeling they had growing up and feeling same as them when getting spankings. i will admit i got spanked growing up and like you was not fun as kid but now as adult i love it strange but iam ok with it.
to me i mostly want ask female about spankings with out asking them if they would spank me or if they gotten spankedgrowing up or if they like to be spanked
i had this one female friend who said if she got paddle in school she would get paddle by her parent but her own neighbor were allow to paddle her too if they found out. after school so she got paddle 2 time in same day. at school then home
June 30th, 2008 - 6:40 am
Awesome post-you getting all deep llike jacques cousteau .
What males me chuckle is the notion of a parent actually taking a picture of their child during a spanking. That happens all the time, right? They used to get wallet-sized versions and compare notes at cocktail parties after all us kids went to bed. Now, thanks to the digital age, they can just snap the picture with their phones and store them that way.
June 30th, 2008 - 8:41 am
Pixie,
Sorry to say I can only provide scant details, as the name has been washed over by too many similariities since then. (I haven’t seen it since just before turning 4, then I had to “earn my keep.”) If I knew more, I’d have found and shared it by now.
I thought at first it maight have been “Little Lulu” but, when at age 8 I found a weekly strip by that name in the paper, nothing matched. Turns out there were several “Little –” strips and features, the films primarily produced as shorts to play before and between movies in the theater, as TV did not come into widespread use until the late 40’s. (What’s that creaking sound? Oh, just ma rocker; thought it was ma bones - again
)
Details I remember (from B&W TV) are: a light-haired blond girl (pony tail), a light-colored puppy-sized dog, a large, balding father who wore a suit and carried a lunchbox; 5-10 min. length. Probably doesn’t exist anymore, but maybe some of your Spank-Historians, like Dan N., can correctly identify it?
June 30th, 2008 - 8:58 pm
Pixie -
Yep, that was me
I can’t remember the number of times I flopped across some older girls’ laps on the bus after losing an innocent game of thumb war.
Of course, sometimes it backfired and I got wedgies, or noogies, or tickled or something.
I am curious to here more about Pixie’s development of a love of spanking…like, what were your teenage years like? I recall that is when I fell in love with spanking…also, I had internet access…
July 1st, 2008 - 7:28 pm
Rather late in coming to thi entry I am afraid. Thank you for such an interesting account - which has certainly stirred many memories in many of your readers. I cannot say that I was ever spanked as a child at home - smacked yes - but never the prolonged over the knee (or touch your toes) spanking. I came near to it once, but my Mother could not find the cane! But I did have a fascination about it and this took two forms. One, I read and re-read school stories where the cane was used frequently, and tried to imagine what that must be like: and I devoured the comics where Denis the Meance and Minnie the Minx would get their come -uppance over their Dad’s knee. The second was indulgence, certainly from my early teens, in self-spanking, which I hate to admit still has a place in my life.
At school, while I was handspanked wih a ruler with the whole of the rest of my class when I was about 6, and did once have to bend over for the slipper from the headmaster at Junior School (I was about 12) - a slippering that was so gentle that it did not hurt - though my feelings were hurt and I was totally embarrassed as it was in front of friends, I never qualified for a real beating. At my senior (boarding school) I was from time to time stripped and slippered by my peers (rightly so for I was a real brat with a terrible temper) but that was all - and I am ashamed to say that I engineered times when I knew that that would be their response!
Looking back, I can only say that my interest in spanking must have been part of me from the earliest time: it was not somehing that came about because of my experience. Today I regret that parentgs are virtually inhibited from even giving a child a well placed smack (spanking I think is wrong for children while a single smack can be valuable in setting boundaries) - but I also believe that there will be people who grow up as spankos simply because it is their genes. As to requests for photos of childhood spankings the mind boggles - and I wonder about the people who make such suggestions!
August 11th, 2008 - 12:15 am
I am 19, and this day I have a simultaneous revulsion and highly sexual fascination with spanking. I got the same “tummy flips” as you did and became very uncomfortable if someone mentioned the word in conversation. As I grew older this wore off substantially, but the paradox exists.
I was never spanked as a child but was still very much aroused by any references to it, as I am today. The problem for me is that spanking children absolutely disgusts and revolts me, not only because I find it abusive and cruel, but because it’s twisted up in my most private sexual fetish. It was more difficult to decide what was arousing as a child, since my references all involved children, and this mostly creeped me out.
It wasn’t until several years ago that I discovered I was not alone. I found a cornucopia of safe, adult erotic spanking on the internet that I can enjoy without feeling disturbed.
One of the major reasons against spanking is that it can hurt children sexually. The buttocks is a highly erengenous zone; smacking certain areas creates excitement in the genitals. Also, putting someone “over your knee” is a position that feels very sexual and sensual: the genitals are in relatively close, forced contact.
It must be hard for you to share your experiences. Thank you so much for being candid and open!